


I'tel'sal'prear

by KaguraHale



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Andraste - Freeform, Anger, Angst, Dalish, Desire, Dragon Age - Freeform, Elf, Elven, Elvhen, F/M, Ferelden, Free Marches, Frustration, Inquisition, Love, Mages, Magic, Orlais, Romance, Sexual Tension, Templars, The Fade, Theadas, UST, Vallaslin, faith - Freeform, maker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2018-07-26 02:10:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7556077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaguraHale/pseuds/KaguraHale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>♥ (The title is in Elvhen, it means: Homesick) Andra thought she found a friend in another elf, someone who saw the world differently from that of anyone she'd ever known. In the end, their views differed too greatly from each other for any sort of relationship to hold. But when the resentment fades away, all that's left is... loneliness. ♥</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disagreement

**Author's Note:**

> I've incorporated actual elvhen (and some Qunari) language in this story. If you ever run across any, I've added a glossary of meanings for all foreign language used at the bottom of each chapter.

                " _Vis brithan nulama, tel I'ten ajun_."

  
                She fumed at his words. Dalish or no, he was an elf just like her! He had no right to judge her people when they actively try to reclaim their lost history. Sure, there have always been bumps along the way, but the root of their intentions was pure. Was that not enough? "And me? Am I just another Dalish idiot to you?!"

  
                He pinched the bridge of his nose, irritated, "I know for a fact that you can't stand there, look me in the eyes, and tell me that your people are actually in the right."

  
                "You--!"

  
                "The Dalish have all but forgotten their ancient heritage, and from what I've observed, they care very little in reclaiming the history that was lost! Your elders and your Keeper teach you what little Elvhen they remember without the desire to know more, and pass along stories of ancient gods and culture like they're fairytales for children before bed. They whisper of Arlathan like it's a myth only hinted at in dreams, and preach about the horrors of Blood Magic when they do not fully understand what it is meant for or what it could achieve! The Dalish understand nothing! I will speak no more of this!"

  
            She was in shock, her voice caught in her throat like a lump. His words cut into her very soul, leaving her bleeding into the stone of the crumbling, ancient Elvhen ruins they stood upon in the open forest of the Emerald Graves as he walked away from her. And with the new, sudden silence came her shame.

  
            As much as she clung to denial and to her hatred of his words, they rang with certainty in her mind. She felt as an ant under his shoe, not understanding the bigger world around her, and feeling lost amongst what she thought she understood for so long.

  
            They had had arguments in the past. He had tried to sway her to see the naiveté of her ways--of _her people's_ ways--but her stubbornness and unyielding devotion to her clan, to the Dalish, kept her blind.

  
            Now… his words had pierced her armor. Her Vallaslin felt like a branding of her ignorance. And above all, _he_ did not care.

  
            She gritted her teeth at the thought of admitting he was right, "Solas…"

  
            He did not turn around, but the elf stopped walking just as he passed a large tree, its roots weaving through the ground beneath his feet. "I think it best we not be together on these assignments anymore. Our differences are… too troublesome for us both to handle professionally. I'll relay this to Commander Cullen when we get back to Skyhold."

  
            And without any further words, their paths separated.

  
 

 

 

* * *

 

   
      _"On dhea, Da'len!"_

  
            " _Savhalla_ , Keeper."

  
            "You look troubled…" The old Keeper said softly, walking up to the young girl who had only just arrived back to the Clan two months ago.

  
            The girl sighed, releasing a breath she didn't even know she was holding, and leaned over the railing of the fence that housed their Halla. " _Ir abelas_ … I'm just… thinking."

  
            The Keeper seemed to understand and soft wrinkles appeared around the old woman's eyes as she smiled sadly, "It's been a while, _Da'len_. Perhaps it's best to move on before these thoughts drive you mad?"

  
            The girl looked upon her elder with sorrow at these words, knowing full well the truth in them but still unable to let go. "Moving on would mean I would need to go back to Skyhold. It would mean seeing _him_ again, and I'm not sure I'm ready to face that, Keeper."

  
            "Andra… No matter what happens or where you go from here…" She halted, looking deep into the younger girls eyes and seeing her unwavering stance--even in the face of her advice, " _Eman solas I'mar eol_."

  
            " _Ma sarannas_."

  
            No further words to say, the Keeper took her leave and Andra was once again left to the mercy of her own thoughts. Though, while the breeze and the soft rays of the rising sun brought forth a tranquil day, her mind turned and heaved with the weight of her last conversation with her dear friend--or what she thought was her dear friend--Solas, from a week ago. The nature of their last argument made her sick to her stomach, a feeling that was more prominent now that she was back home with her Clan in the Free Marches.

  
            As Andra turned around from the Halla pen, she stared at the small encampment of her Dalish clan: The Ashihari. They were one of the most secluded Dalish clans, never making contact with humans or dwarves or the Qunari. Andra had been the only exception and only because total annihilation had threatened Theadas when the Breach ha torn a hole in the sky at the behest of Corypheus. A walking form of the Blight which was now dead; killed at the hands of the Inquisitor and the Inquisition's most loyal allies.

  
            But that had all been a year ago and an era of peace was at hand. Cities had already began to rebuild, people were returning to their families, and an alliance between Orlais and Ferelden had developed with the careful touch of the Inquisition's Ambassador, Josephine Montilyet, who had led the peace talks between Empress Celene and Queen Anora. The Inquisition now had turned its purpose into helping those in need, and aiding the nations as a new, neutral party in influential talks. It sought to rebuild what was lost during Corypheus' tyranny, help negotiate lands lost from slain Lords and disperse them among the people, and help reestablish the Circles of Magi under new instruction--thanks to Leliana who had been named successor to the Sunburst Throne and now was titled Divince Victoria: No mage would be chained or confined to solitude from the rest of the world.

  
            The only true mystery was why Solas had stayed at Skyhold to help. But Andra was always thankful that he had. Perhaps, she might have even been the reason for this, though there's no way to tell. And after their heated fight, she doubted that they were friends at all.

  
            " _Savhalla_ , Andra." A voice called out, a person walking towards her, "I hope I said that right?"

  
            The girl stared with confusion, not knowing this person yet they clearly knew her. They seemed to notice this.

  
            "I'm a messenger from the Inquisition; I've brought a couple letters for you."

  
            "Letters? For me? Wouldn't the Inquisition only need to deal with our Keeper?" Andra asked in genuine puzzlement.

  
            "They're personal, not business."

  
            Her curiosity was peeked.

  
            The messenger then dug through a small bag slung over their shoulder before producing three small envelopes made of different materials and decorated with different seals.

  
            " Ah, just these. Your clan is a hard one to find. Especially when you make no contact with any of the races and leave us with little to no way to track you." She was handed the letters. "I'm sorry I can't stay and chat but I've a few more things to deliver and time is precious."

  
            The messenger then left, leaving Andra to wade in her bewilderment. 

  
            In her hands was a letter of cheap, yellow parchment and a seal of the Qunari, another was a slightly more rich parchment of cream color with a raven seal, and the last was a thick, crisp, red parchment, stamped only with red wax that held no symbol.

  
   
            The Qunari letter:

  
            _Tilly,_  
_I'm making Krem write this for me because I'm no good at writing letters, but I heard you left Skyhold and rejoined your clan. You always told me you never wanted to return to that life because it was too caging. I might be **Tal-Vashoth** now but you always will be **Basalit-an** to me and you are always welcome among my Chargers._  
_Just let me know and I'll have my men break out the kegs._  
_Iron Bull_  
 

  
            Andra smiled at the letter, and at Bull's use of her nickname-- _Tilly_ \--which he had given her only a week after they had met. At the bottom of the paper was a scribbled note, presumably from Krem:

  
   
            _He won't say it directly, but the Chief's worried about you, and pissed at Solas. I am too. We heard about the fight. Take care of yourself and don't be a stranger._

  
   
            Her smile faltered a little and her sorrow swelled into a bigger wave; that meant that Solas had told someone… But she couldn't help but feel a little better that she still had friends that cared about her.

  
   
            The Raven Letter:

  
            _Andra,_  
_I might be Divine now, but I will always be looking out for the people I care about. One of my spies told me about your return to your clan. This prompted me to do some digging and I learned of your dispute with Solas. Try not to let his blathering get to you. He's always been irritable when it comes to the Dalish. Well, with most things in general, really. I've always found it hard to get along with him. Trust me, it's not you._  
_That aside, I never thought I'd see the day when you went back to the seclusion of your clan. You talked so passionately about loving the rest of the world. But I understand you actions. Sometimes, when the pressure is too much, it's good to just get away from it all for a while. I hope that with the fresh air comes a clear perspective. And if you ever need an ear, my doors are always open to you._  
_Maker guide you,_  
_Leliana_  
 

  
            Even with all her duties to attend to, Lady Nightingale still had time for the little people. Andra's eyes glistened with grateful tears.

  
   
            The unmarked letter:

  
            _It is done._  
_Friends of the Red Jenny_  
 

  
            A laugh escaped Andra's lips, erasing all sorrow she previously felt. Especially at the terrible drawing at the bottom of the page of an angry elf with over exaggerated pointy ears, followed by a drawing of a butt and eggs falling from above. She had forgotten of the favor she had asked of Sera before she left for her clan. Although, she hadn't asked anything specific, just that Solas felt a bit of humiliation because he ' _deserved it_ '. And knowing her friend, Andra had no doubt that dropping eggs on Solas' head had not been the only prank she had played on the elf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Vis brithan nulama, tel I'ten ajun -- "If I seem to be bitter, it is not without reason."  
> On dhea, Da'len! -- "Good morning, child!"  
> Savhalla -- "Hello"  
> Ir abelas -- "I'm sorry"  
> Da'len -- "Child"  
> Eman solas I'mar eol -- "I'm proud of you."  
> Ma Serannas -- "Thank you" / "My thanks"  
> ((All elvhen is courtesy of FenxShiral on Tumblr, I'd be so lost without Project Elvhen...))  
> QUNLAT USED:
> 
> Tal-Vashoth -- A Qunari that abandons the Qun. Literal meaning-"True Grey"  
> Basalit-an -- A non-Qunari worthy of respect.


	2. Wisdom

                "She's completely childish! Have you even heard of the things she's done?!"

                The Commander rubbed his temples at Solas' ranting as he leaned over his desk, "I'll confront Sera about these pranks later today after I've finished my prior engagement with Josephine--"

                Solas scoffed, "Actually, no need to worry about Sera. No one's seen her since yesterday."

                "Then why are you bringing this to my?"

                "It seems her… _'friends_ ' are still around. I've had no respite from this torment." Solas sneered.

                Cullen raised his eyebrows, "Well I don't know what you expect me to be able to do, and it seems like neither do you." The Commander then stood from his desk and walked over to the elf, standing face to face. "I can't help you against petty pranks from an unknown assailant. Eggs falling from the sky and bags of burning animal waste are the least of my problems right now. If you can get me names or faces, I might be able to help you…" He left the sentence hanging, feeling nothing more needed to be said. He looked into Solas' eyes and felt pity, but there was simply nothing that could be done.

                Solas stiffened, curt formality taking over his emotions, "Forget I said anything, Commander. You've been most helpful." Then he left in a quiet rage, never looking back, mumbling " _Nuva vher av ma, i banalhan av vher_."

                The elf left Skyhold then, ignoring the passing glances everyone was giving him as he walked by. He knew the answers that Nightingale's courier had extracted from him had gotten around. Skyhold was a large fortress, but a small community, and secrets and scandals were always uncovered. Everyone knew about the skeletons in everyone else's closet. But Solas didn't care.

                However, it took everything within his power to not unleash hell when, as he walked along the bridge that led out--or in--to Skyhold, a pie fell from above just as he passed under the arch of the main gate and missed him by mere inches, splattering all over the cobblestone and a little getting on the edge of his shoe. The elf shouted in fury as he ran off, wanting to get as far away from people as he possibly could. He no longer wanted any part in the Inquisition.

                It would be some time before he reached a place where he felt comfortably isolated from the rest of the world. And wrapped in his isolation, he would escape to his dreams--to the Fade for his respite.

 

* * *

 

                The spirits of the Fade gave Solas comfort, speaking in the Elvhen language of the Ancient Elves which Solas so dearly preferred. They always welcomed the elf with open arms, enjoying the friendship of someone who did not wish to use them for personal desires. And Solas enjoyed the spirits' absolute understanding. They did not judge him for his quest for lost knowledge, nor try to deter him from his current path. They accepted him as he was.

                In elvhen, a spirit of Wisdom spoke: "It's been quite a long time since you've come to seek my counsel."

                Solas replied: "I needed to be alone…"

                The spirit laughed, "But you're not alone."

                "I meant--"

                "I know."

                Solas sighed as he watched his dream-induced vision of the Fade swim slightly, like a tree swaying in a breeze. "I am tormented, by the people I once thought my friends."

                Wisdom spoke with a flat, low tone, "Friends do not bring pain to other friends."

                "No… they don't."

                "Yet I feel your emotions turning like a violent wave. Is there something more?"

                Solas stared out at the landscape before him, an ever changing painting of green mountains and rolling fog. "It's been a while now… months, at least…"

                "The elvhen girl."

                "Yes." The elf's voice caught at the end, a lump formed in his throat. Andra had been his dearest friend, even though he resented her dedication to the Dalish. She had given him new perspective, challenged his beliefs, and always took his criticism without complaint. But he could tell that his words wore on her, that she tried dearly to cling to the truth she had believed in for so long. And with their last argument, Solas had felt an overwhelming sense of pride when he saw that his words had finally broken through her barriers, as if she was hearing him for the first time.

                "You feel responsible for what happened." Wisdom spoke when Solas had remained silent, cutting through the elf's thoughts.

                "No! She ran away because she was too afraid to face the truth! She clings to the Dalish like it's her lifeline; she believes in their ignorance; she still thinks the Vallaslin on her face brings her closer to the gods! She--!"

                "--Has only ever known a life nurtured by the Dalish." Wisdom cut in. "And you forget that she is the first of her clan to have ever had contact with the rest of the world. You condemn her for something she's had no choice in, find her guilty for a life that's all she's ever known. Most importantly, you wasted no time with easing her into a new perspective. Instead, you bombarded her with words that shook the very foundation of her life. Of course she ran away." The spirit's words were soft and calm like a gentle wave, but they hit Solas like a hammer coming down on a nail.

                "I… have not looked at it that way…"

                The spirit said nothing, merely watching the elf as he stared at the ground.

                Solas' dream morphed from that of a foggy green mountain to an endless field under the night sky, stars twinkling from their midnight canopy. Never before had he realized how much he took his ability to lucid dream for granted. As a mage, it was a natural reflex. But it brought up new realizations to the surface: his passion and knowledge for the ancient elves was also something he was taking for granted. While not quite directly, Andra made Solas realize that he was the only one in the whole world who cared enough to seek out the truth of their people, adamantly. And few people were privy to the knowledge he held. Yet he always preached about the elves like it was so obvious--the Dalish ever the fools.

                But it wasn't that way.

                Solas dropped his head back, staring up at the faux stars, "What's done is done."

                "Not even an apology?" Wisdom quirked with the tilting of its head to the side.

                "Our quarrel… had been going on for much longer than that single fight. I doubt, highly, that she'd ever want to hear from me again."

                "Do you truly know that?"

                Solas sighed heavily, watching as the Fade began turning blurry with the signs that he was waking up, "I don't even know what I'd say."

                " _'Ir abelas'_ …"

                The dream faded as Solas' mind rose to consciousness. His eyes opened to the bright sunlight that shone through the treetops of the Brecilian Forest, a place that was now abandoned by most. Not since the threat of the Fifth Blight--eradicated by the Hero of Ferelden--had the Forest seen life outside of its natural inhabitants. The Dalish clan led by Zathrian had moved far away after the death of their Keeper--who had given his life to end an age old curse set in place by his old hatred--and no longer did whispered rumors sprout about monstrous werewolves. Only the Sylvans remained with the smaller animal life, yet they remained stoic and no longer had any interest in conversing with the races. To anyone who did not know what to look for, they would have appeared as simple trees. As result, over the last ten years since the acts of the Hero of Ferelden, people were already starting to forget about the magic in the forest.

                " _Ir abelas…_ " Solas repeated, as he sat up and reached for his staff to help him stand.

                It would be a long, tedious journey to the Free Marches, and he still didn't quite know if it was a good idea at all, but his friend had given him advice worth taking. Even if his words fell on deaf ears, he would speak them, if only to set his own mind at peace. The rest was out of his hands.

                And at least with all the time that would accompany his journey, Solas would have a moment to think on what he would say when he reached his destination. If he would even say anything other than an apology at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Nuva vher av ma, i banalhan av vher : "May the cat eat you, and the Blight eat the cat."  
> Ir abelas : "I'm sorry."


	3. A Visitor

                " _Ma sarannas!"_ Anda exclaimed, picking up a large crate to carry over to the Keeper's tent.

  
                The elvhen Inquisition courier bowed slightly before taking their leave. " _Dareth shiral._ "

  
                Excitedly, Andra began her short trek across the her Dalish Clan's (The Ashihari) settlement. It had been a few weeks since the Keeper had confided in Andra about their dwindling resources and then tried pitching a plan to send out hunters to get more. Unfortunately, it was mid-Spring and the bears--which the Dalish usually had no problem slipping past--were in heat. All the animals were. However the bears, in particular, seemed extremely agitated about anyone getting even remotely close, and that made things difficult when the majority of the Elfroot and Embrium that was needed was in and around their areas.

  
                For the last several weeks, the Keeper had sent out single people at a time to collect all they could without drawing attention to themselves. Many times, this proved fruitful, but lately, hunters were turning up dead and the Keeper was forced to prevent anyone else from wandering too far out of the camp. It seemed the bears were catching on.

  
                "Keeper Sathari!" Andra set the crate down once she entered the small tent. "You know that requisition I sent out to my friends? Well they filled it and sent us supplies!" But once her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the tent, she found it empty. And outside, her luck was no greater in finding the old woman.

  
                " _Haren_!" Andra called to the Ashihari elder, "have you seen Keeper Sathari? I can't find her."

  
                The old man's eyes lit up in response to knowing the answer, "She went to the old meeting place just outside camp. A visitor's come but she insisted on greeting them first. Some important business, I imagine."

  
                That only confused Andra more. "She's meeting with someone?"

  
                The _Haren_ was quick to reassure the young elvhen girl, "Not with any humans, an elf."

  
                "An elf…?" A stray thought shot through Andra's head as her blood boiled. Immediately, she turned on her heels and began storming to the old meeting place. If it was who she thought it was, she had a few choice words to say, with her fists.

  
                " _Da'len?_ "

  
                " _Ma sarannas, Haren!"_ She then pushed herself into a full run, not wanting to give this new visitor a chance to escape.  
 

 

* * *

   
                "I only want to talk to her." The elvhen man pleaded. " _Satha_ , Keeper, I've come so far to see her."

  
                "It's been a long time since I've seen you around." Sathari said, reminiscing, "And it's been quite a while for her as well. I'm sure she'd like to see you. No doubt there's some catching up you'll need to do."

  
                "I still feel like we're as close as we used to be, but I understand if she no longer feels that way." the man looked off to the side, pulling up old memories into his mind, "Though, truthfully, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my friend. They convinced me to come here."

  
                "Then you don't actually want to be here?--"

  
                "No! I do! I'm just… so nervous… especially about how she'll react…"

  
                "Sometimes, it's good to take a leap of faith, child."

  
                The man laughed, "Ha! No one's called me that in some time."

  
                There was amusement in the Keeper's face, "You're not that old. Barely older than--"

  
                "Keeper Sathari!" An angry voice shouted, "Don't listen to a word that bastard has to say!"

  
                "Andra…?"

  
                "He's nothing but a…" The girl trailed off as she reached the Keeper, taking in the sight of the elvhen man before her. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed.

  
                " _Savhalla_ , _Arasha_." He said.

  
                Andra blushed, " _S-savhalla_ … **_Calem_** …" She stuttered.

  
                "I know it's been a long time, but ' _bastard'_ …" He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling even more nervous than he already was.

  
                Andra's face went bright red, "I, uh… _ir abelas_ … T-that wasn't about you. I thought… that you were going to be someone else and I…"

  
                Sathari seemed to catch on, "You think, after everything that happened, that **_he_** would sacrifice his time to come all the way out **_here_**?"

  
                " _Haren_ told me you were meeting with an elf and he's the only one outside of our clan that I really know…"

  
                Sathari shook her head, "It was a bad idea to send you to the Inquisition. Look at all the hurt it's brought you. Human wars are not our wars."

  
                "I agree," Calem added, his face stoic as he remembered something, "The _shemlens_ have brought nothing but pain to my own clan."

  
                Sathari looked hard into Andra's eyes as if to say 'I told you so' but Andra ignored her. "They have their moments…" she trailed off, not wanting to get into this sort of conversation, "but what brings you here? It must have been quite the journey!"

  
                "Two weeks." Calem sighed, running a hand through his dark hair, "But it was worth it. Plus, I never would have lived it down if I hadn't made the journey here."

  
                "What do you m--"

  
                "One of my friends. I talk about you a lot, apparently." Calem laughed anxiously, "He pressured me into making this journey for a little over a year. I should have gone through with it when you were still with the Inquisition, it wouldn't have taken me as long, but I was just so afraid that you wouldn't remember me. But then my friend managed to hear word of you returning to the Dalish and… the rest is history." He smiled then, "I'm glad I listened to him. I didn't realize how much I've missed you until just now, seeing you in person."

  
                "Ahah…" Andra blushed, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, "I've missed you too." And it was then that she really took Calem in--seeing him as a man instead of the kids they used to be; admiring the dark chocolate of his hair and the fiery gold of his eyes; noting how much taller he was than her and how time had only done him favors.

  
                "Well," Sathari cut in, clearing her throat to get the two's attention, "since you came to us, Andra, I'll leave you to catch up. I have some things to take care of."

  
                That jogged Andra's memory, "Oh! Keeper Sathari! I almost forgot why I came looking for you… I managed to secure a large amount of herbs for the clan, they're in a crate in your tent."

  
                " _Ma sarannas, Da'len_." And then the old woman left.

  
                "You've really grown." Calem said, and when Andra's eyes met his, she felt the heat rush into her cheeks once again.

  
                "Well, it's been a few years. You've grown too."

  
                "But I mean…" He paused, as if searching for the right words, or for some sort of reassurance that he should say what he was thinking. "You're beautiful. I nearly… forgot how silver your eyes were, and how blonde your hair was…" He trailed off, his own cheeks growing rosy this time.

  
                Andra smiled and ducked her head, then looked off to the side, to the path that led back to her camp, "Come on, I'll help you get settled. No doubt you'll be here for a while."

  
                Calem smiled at Andra's back as they began to make their way back to the Ashihari settlement, " _Ma nuvenin_."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
>  
> 
> Ma sarannas: "Thank you" / "My thanks"  
> Dareth shiral: "Safe journey", but it's used as a farewell for any occasion, really.  
> Haren: "Elder"  
> Da'len: "Child"  
> Satha: "Please"  
> Savhalla: "Hello"  
> Arasha: "My happiness", an endearment.  
> Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"  
> Shemlens: (Plural) Literally-"quick children", but it's used mainly as an insult to anyone that isn't Dalish.  
> Ma nuvenin: "As you wish"


	4. Reconnecting

                "…if not for my brother, I never would have made it out of there…"

  
                Andra looked sadly into Calem's face as they sat on a log around a fire in the middle of her camp, examining him as if this pain was fresh. "I'm so sorry…"  
                "Don't be," he forced a smile, "It's been a while and pity doesn't change the past."

  
                Andra's eyes swiveled to the ground, "I should have been there for you. If I had just… known… I could have asked for help to be sent from the Inquisition."

  
                "Andra…" Calem's soft voice beckoned her to look at him, "there's nothing you could have done, don't make a burden out of something that was out of your control. My clan… We were doomed to experience this. We lived so close to a _Shemlen_ city and they never expressed any fondness for elves. When Ghatas started that fight over trading prices, it was merely the last drop of water that ends up sinking a ship. It had been a long time coming. We prepared for it as best we could, but… our Keeper and First are gone, so are most of our elders and some of the children. It's only a handful of us left and most of us have taken on the little ones that no longer have parents."

  
                " _Fenedhis_ …"

  
                Calem laughed, "This could very likely be the Dread Wolf's handiwork. He does, after all, hate all mortals."

  
                "Maybe he's just resentful because he locked the rest of the gods up and now he's lonely?" Andra stared into the fire. It had been a while since a thought of her gods had crossed her mind, but she always felt a strange sadness for Fen'harel--even though all of the stories about him went into the depth of his hatred for the Elvhen people.

  
                "It's nothing less than he deserves." Calem added.

  
                Andra looked up into the glittering gold of Calem's eyes then, "Where is your clan now?" she asked, wanting to move away from her personal opinions.

  
                "They're making their way to join with another clan that was nearby. It took quite while to convince them to take us in, since we were strangers to them, but they agreed in the end. Mainly because they understood of the _Shem's_ cruelty and expressed that they wouldn't turn their backs on fellow Dalish in need."

  
                "I'm glad that the rest of your clan is going to be okay." Andra smiled.

  
                There was then, a moment of silence as the two stared into the fire and basked in its warmth while the sun set behind them. Enjoying just the proximity of each other after so long apart.

  
                When they had returned to camp, Andra had helped Calem get his own tent set up--which he had brought with him--and also got him a few new supplies. Such as a new blanket, since his had become torn from all his days on the road. Afterwards, Calem suggested that the two of them talk so they could truly catch up, and thus they agreed on sitting around the fire, where Andra had explained that it would be a good place to wait for dinner to be served.

  
                "Well, we've talked a lot about me," Calem started, "What about you? What was being part of the Inquisition like?"

  
                Andra let out a short, soft laugh, "That's quite the loaded question." Then a brief silence followed as she thought about where she could start. So much had happened in the year she had been away: danger and adventure, deceit and loyalty, she had even made new friends, and also enemies… there was no way to really sum it all up.  "I guess… it was exciting." She began, "I remember a time, back in Haven before Corypheus destroyed it, that Varric introduced me to a card game called Wicked Grace--"

  
                "Varric?" Calem cut in.

  
                "Ah, a dwarf; a great friend of mine." Andra explained with a smile, twiddling her thumbs in her lap. Then she continued, "We were playing with a few of the recruits and Varric had insisted we all place bets…" she laughed at the memory, "…by the end of the night, Varric had won all of their pay for the week, even mine, and we all felt ridiculously shamed that we hadn't seen it coming. In the heat of the moment, you always think that next time will be the time you win. But we were all inexperienced at the game and that was just wishful thinking."

  
                Calem raised an eyebrow, "That doesn't sound very fun."

  
                "Oh it was!" Andra interjected, "It was probably the most fun I had while I was there." Then her smile grew softer, fonder, "After a bit of gloating, Varric ended up giving all of us our money back. He said that it was good to remember every now and then that we were still people, not just mindless shells working on closing the Breach, but he didn't want to cheat us out of any pleasures later. Like if we wanted a drink or desserts, or even… if someone wanted the chance to experience an intimate night one more time…" Andra writhed under the awkwardness of the topic, "I remember one kid telling me, after I had asked why he would want to spend his money on a prostitute, that he just wanted to know what it felt like to be close to someone one last time. That if the world were to end tomorrow, he wanted to experience love--even fake love--and die blissfully in that lie rather than die sad thinking about the future." She trailed off, feeling her heart fill with sorrow.

  
                "I take it he didn't make it?" Calem asked. Andra's eyes answered as they fell away to the ground and Calem's immediate response was to wonder what her relationship was with this guy.

  
                "He was killed by bandits on a scouting mission. I didn't know him that well… but I remember him because his words made a strange sort of sense that night."

  
                "It sounds like you made some good friends while you were there."

  
                "I did!" The smile returned, brighter than the sunset, " I met a Qunari named Iron Bull, and his little company of Chargers; a Grey Warden named Blackwall; I even got really close with the Inquisition's Spymaster." Andra couldn't help but laugh at the last part, when she had first left her clan, never had she thought that in a million years would she have become friends with Leliana. The Lady Nightingale always seemed so intense, so hard, and super intimidating. But Andra had learned of her softer side when she had walked in on Leliana and Josephine giggling about the latest fashion in Orlais. The rest was history. "Oh! And I met this strange elf named Sera but she always brightened up my day…" She let herself trail off, remembering another elf she thought she had been close to.

  
                "Sounds like a real party." Calem chuckled, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees.

  
                "It wasn’t… But if we didn't hang on to the few good moments that we had, then all that was left was the bad ones…"

  
                " _Ir abelas_ …" Calem sat up straight, understanding Andra's pain. Nothing else was said, but he did wrap an arm around the blonde girl, in a sort of side hug, to comfort her.

  
                And it did. She pressed herself comfortably into his chest, laying her head against his shoulder, and just listened to the crackling of the fire; watching as the flames tried to lick their way to the sky.

  
                It was this moment in particular that Andra realized she could truly relax. The Breach was sealed and also all the rifts, Corypheus was dead, the Red Lyrium had been destroyed and so too anyone under its influence, Leliana was the new Divine, and Solas… was gone. No longer did Andra worry about saying something regarding the Dalish that would spin off into an argument. All the stress in her life was simply… gone. Replaced by a serene peacefulness.

  
                "Here you two are." A friendly face said, one of the elves that helped the cook prepare and hand out meals.

  
                A little embarrassed at being caught in such a close embrace, Andra and Calem gave their thanks as they untangled themselves from each other to grab their plates, " _Ma sarannas_."

  
                It wasn't until Calem took his first bite that Andra noticed something out of the ordinary. And when he noticed that she was staring at him, he gave her a quizzical look while chewing his food. Andra couldn't help but smile at the sight but she eventually reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling his sleeve back to expose the bracelet on his arm.

  
                " _Ara'lin'hasal_." She said softly, rubbing her thumb over the braid.

  
                "I've worn it practically every day since we made them." Calem said once he had swallowed his food.

  
                Andra smiled widely at the memory, "We were so young, just a couple of kids who thought they'd be together forever."

  
                "That can still be." Calem stared deeply into the silver of Andra's eyes, even reaching out a hand to brush her platinum blonde hair behind her ear.

  
                Andra's heart thrummed in her chest with his touch as heat rose to her cheeks, "So much has happened since then. We're both different people now."

  
                "And that changes the feelings we used to have for each other?"

  
                "For me, yes." Andra  said shyly. "I don't know where my heart is right now…"

  
                Calem ran a hand through his chocolate hair and looked down at his plate of food, barely touched, "Is it because of that person you were talking about with Keeper Sathari earlier? The one you mistook me for?"

  
                Andra flinched slightly, "He… he's gone now. I doubt I'll see him again. But we were close, even if it seemed like we hated each other. Honestly, the only thing we never really seemed to agree on was the Dalish." Andra 's face fell, staring at her own plate of food as Calem turned to look at her, "I love my clan, I know the Dalish try to reclaim the history we lost. We're not bad people. But he… would always say that the Dalish were children, that we don't really care about the Ancient Elves or everything that we lost. And he always seemed to have this strange fascination with the Dread Wolf."

  
                Calem's eyes seemed to burn with irritation, " _Shemlen_ are so ignorant."

  
                "He's an elf." Andra corrected. "Not one of our people, or of a city, but rather…" she searched herself for the right word, " _Shielan"_

  
                "How can an elf hate his own people so much?"

  
                "He doesn't, really. He's just so… passionate about what the elves used to be; before the fall of Arlathan."

  
                "No one knows what happened," Calem replied a bit brashly, "We have no records, barely any history to give us any insight. It's unlikely that he knows more than any of us do."               

  
                Andra tilted her head with a look that said _'I'm not so sure'_ , "He's also a mage, and he's spent most of his life wandering the Fade and witnessing history from an unbiased perspective; listening to spirits tell the truth of age old tales." She stopped there, feeling herself fill with the emotion of wonderment.

  
                But Calem merely stared at her like she was crazy, "He talks to spirits? Or rather demons?"

  
                "It's more complicated than that--"

  
                "I don't want to upset you, Andra, but how do you know he's not being influenced by these spirits? That they're not actually demons in disguise, pretending to be benevolent and he's merely opening himself up to possession without knowing it?"

  
                "He wouldn't do that--"

  
                "How can you truly know? It seems like he's so full of resentment because he runs away to the Fade instead of getting to know people in the real world. He feels more attached to these… beings… that no one even understands than he does with physical people. How can you care about someone like that? How can he care about you?"

  
                Andra's eyes stung with tears that threatened to roll down her face, but she held them back. Painfully, she recognized the truth in Calem's words, but she didn't want to admit it.  She didn't want to admit that all the wonderful times she had actually spent with Solas had just been a sham. That they were real for her but not for him. She didn't want to accept that he didn't--even in the slightest--care about her.

  
                After a moment of silence, Calem softened and reached out to place a hand under Andra's chin to make her look at him, " _Ir abelas, Arasha_. But… you said he was gone, and you're leaving the Inquisition behind to live with your clan again. Is that not grounds enough for you to let go and live a happy future? Don't hold onto pain that you can't fix, Andra. It won't do anything for you except make you feel miserable."

  
                Andra dropped her plate on her lap then before hugging Calem tightly. She wasn't ready to let go quite yet, but she appreciated his words. And maybe one day, she would be able to let go and live as a normal Dalish woman.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Shemlen: Literally-"quick children", but it's used mainly as an insult to anyone that isn't Dalish.  
> Fenedhis: Literally-"Wolf dick", but it's used as a universal curse. Such as, when you stub your toe and you cry out "fuck!/shit!" or when something crazy happens and you're just like "shit...". The term is also in relation to Fen'harel (the Dread Wolf), so it can be akin to saying "goddammit" as well, sort of like using a deity's name in vain.  
> Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"  
> Arasha: "My happiness", an endearment.  
> Ma sarannas: "Thank you"/"My thanks"  
> Ara'lin'hasal: "Lover's knot". There are always two halves to this bracelet, usually shared between two people that deeply care for each other--as the name implies.  
> Shielan: "Wanderer"/"Traveler"/"One who roams"


	5. Forgiveness

                " _Fenedhis!"_ Solas shouted to the void, pacing back and forth in the Fade.

                In elvhen, a spirit spoke: "Are you frustrated because of what you've committed to do, or because of the girl in particular?"

                "I'm frustrated because all of this is pointless! I'm getting wrapped up in something that shouldn't matter; I'm letting my emotions control my actions. And for some reason, I seem to care about what she thinks of me! The stakes are so much higher than this pettiness!"

                "If that were true, you wouldn't have hurt her. Or you wouldn't care that you did."

                Solas stopped and began rubbing his temples, feeling a headache reach him even from his dream. The Fade swam with the intensity of it and he felt the overwhelming urge to scream until his voice escaped him. But he didn't. Instead, Solas looked at his friend of the Fade and felt appreciation for its words.

                "Thank you. But I feel it's much more complicated than that. I care for her, deeply, but I also understand that I shouldn't. And I know she wouldn't understand, but it would be better for her if I left everything where it was and let her forget about me. She can't know the risks that threaten."

                "If you want her to forget about you, at least leave things on a positive note. Don't let her stay filled with resentment for the rest of her life."

                Solas let out a soft chuckle, "Once again, your wisdom is boundless, my friend."

                "I am Wisdom."

                Solas awoke to find himself filled with a new sense of determination. Though still slightly hesitant, he pushed himself through the last stretch of his journey to the Free Marches. And in the back of his mind, he wished he had done this first before running away to escape everyone.

 

* * *

 

                While Andra felt a new spring in her step, she also had a funny feeling in the back of her thoughts. Not anything that made her worry, but just something that made her feel like something was going to happen today. Perhaps, something good?

                "Andra! Come help me with these!" A female elf called from a little bit away. She was picking up several sack full of various materials with her assistant but there was still too much for them to carry by themselves.

                Andra rushed over and picked up as much as she could carry, "Creators! What's in these?"

                The female elf laughed, "Our hunters found a substantial amount of Ironbark today, and a few other things. It's all materials that I'll use to make us some better weapons and armor. Who knows, maybe our newest hunter will finally be able to take down his very own Druffalo!"

                It was Anda's turn to laugh. The 'new hunter' that was being referred to was one of the younger boys who was just learning how to use a sword and his bow. And later on in the week, if he was successful in his task, he would become an adult and the Keeper would bestow him with his own Vallaslin. Andra felt a pang of happiness for him.

                As the three of them set the bags down behind a make shift table covered in unfinished bows and swords and armor pieces--among other weapons too--Andra felt a pair of eyes staring at her. When she looked up, she saw the female elf giving her the smuggest, most knowing look she'd ever received.

                Andra immediately shifted into confusion and suspicion, "What?"

                "You and Calem, huh?"

                The confusion only got worse, "What about Calem and I?"

                The elf's smug grin grew wider, "The two of you are practically the talk of the whole clan! It's been quite some time since there was any romance around here."

                Andra caught on, "What? No! We're just friends."

                "Friends that cuddle around the fire?"

                "We just missed each other. It's been a long time since we've seen one another and we've just been catching up."

                "You can deny it all you want, Andra," the elf said as she began putting away some of the supplies and putting a few out on the table, "but we can all see it. Even if you can't. Even Calem understands what's happening."

                "Nothing's happening!"

                The elf turned her back on the frustrated blonde and Andra's words fell on deaf ears. But now that someone had said something, she realized that the way she and Calem had been acting towards each other--or just around one another--definitely would give everyone the impression that they liked each other. And they did. But for Andra, she felt too much time had passed; too much had happened in between the years she and Calem had been apart.

                Somewhere in Andra's heart, she still loved Calem. Loved him like she did when they were still kids, pretending that one day they'd marry each other, that they'd never be apart. Loved him like when they made the _Ara'lin'hasal_ the year before she became an adult and received her Vallaslin--and somewhere in her personal belongings, she still had the other half. But now, the circumstances were different. She cared for Calem, but she had also been brushed by death when the Inquisition fought to stop Corypheus; she had made new friends that had changed the way she saw life; slew countless enemies, and became calloused as their blood ran like rivers beneath her feet.

                She had also grown close with another elf that she didn't entirely get along with, yet still cared deeply for. The thought of him tugged at her heart, pulling her spirit away from the Dalish and into territory she wasn't familiar with. She had known no other life than her clan until she had gone to the Inquisition, and Solas had made her think outside of her small box despite her resistance. It was also this that made it hard for her to adjust back into her old life.

                Despite her love for her clan, a small part of Andra accepted Solas' words, and that small part was making the rest of her slowly accept as well.

                This also made her feel alienated.

                None of the Dalish, no matter what clan, would accept what Solas had told her. They had all spent too long living in their ideals, passing down history that they were interpreting wrong, to just start over.

                So Andra kept it all to herself.  

                "Have you noticed all the looks we've been getting all day?" Calem asked after Andra had finished up some daily duties for the clan and now everyone was eating dinner. At first, she thought he was poking fun at her, but when she looked at his face she saw his sincerity.

                "I have. I think everyone thinks we're together, or close to it anyway." Andra said as she packed some kindling under the log teepee she just finished setting up in the fire pit.

                "You make it sound like such a bad thing."

                The Keeper's First used magic to light the kindling, "Not inherently," Andra replied, sitting on the log next to Calem, "but they're not true. We're really close, but we're not a couple, yet."

                Calem grinned, "Yet?"

                Andra jabbed him with her elbow, "You know what I meant." Inwardly, Andra scowled to herself at all the cheeky smiles everyone around the fire was trying to hide.

                "I forgot to ask you," Calem began, thumbing the bracelet around his wrist, "Whatever happened to your half?"

                Andra followed his gaze to realize what he was talking about, "I still have it. It's somewhere in my pack in my tent."

                "You never wear it."

                "I haven't worn it since I left my clan. The world was threatened by destruction and I didn't want to lose it in one of our battles." She could tell he still wasn't convinced, "I haven't put it back on because I've spent over a year not wearing it. I'm not used to it. It's not the first thing on my mind."

                He seemed to flinch, "I think you've just forgotten about it."

                "If that were true, then I wouldn't know that I still have it." Andra went on, a little defensively.

                "It's not a feeble jewelry piece, no one has ever just had one fall off before. If you took yours off…" He let his voice trail away.

                "You think I stopped caring about you?" Andra finished for him. The sudden turn of the conversation made the air thicken with tension and everyone around the fire moved a bit away.

                "Did you think of me at all while we were apart?"

                "I…" She paused to take a breath, watching as the flame's reflection danced on Calem's golden eyes, "I did sometimes." She admitted.  "And I would also think about how much I missed my clan, the forest, I even missed the halla."

                Calem leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he laced his fingers together between his legs, staring at the fire, "That's not what I meant."

                "I know what you meant." Andra said softly as she brushed some of her blonde hair out of her face and behind one of her ears. "But it's been…" She paused, going through her memories, "…over a decade since we last saw each other. And I think that maybe there could be room to start over, but we were just kids. It was a child's promise. I was sixteen the last time we saw each other, when my clan moved out here to the Free Marches."

                Andra saw Calem's gaze fall slightly, and the sorrow that seemed to wrap itself around his body. She understood his feelings, but also understood that too much time had passed for them to just pick up where they left off. Too much had changed.

                She had changed.

                "I understand." Calem said flatly as he stood up. "I'll see you in the morning?" But he didn't leave her time to reply as he walked away, heading to where his temporary tent was.

                "I think you hurt his feelings." A little kid said that sat on an adjacent log.

                Andra looked at the little elf and gave a sad smile before getting up herself and walking in the opposite direction to her own tent. It had been a good day, but the moment she had with Calem had drained her; she felt emotionally exhausted.

                And the moment she kicked off her boots and stripped down to her smalls and a white shirt, she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

                " _Ir abelas, Lethallan._ "

                Andra stared as her dream showed her the image of Solas. She didn't know why she was dreaming about him, she never had before, but it was a most welcome sight after all the months that had passed. She guessed, subconsciously, she had been missing him. Perhaps that was why she was seeing him now.

                " _Dirthas vir'dirth'elvhen?_ "

                Surprisingly, she could. " _Dirthas_." She replied, and he seemed to smile.

                " _Eman solas i'mar eol! Bel 'Dalish tel'dirthas…_ "

                "I must be going crazy." Andra said to herself, staring out at the Fade. But it was then that she realized how vivid her dream was. Usually, her sleep was accompanied by hazy visions and she would awake to find the she didn't remember her dream at all, or very little of it. But this… Andra had no doubt that when she woke up, she would remember everything.

                That sparked another realization: she was lucid dreaming, and only a few times had she ever done so.

                "You're not." The vision of Solas said.

                Andra laughed, "I must be! I'm dreaming about you, lucidly!"

                His smile was knowing, "Not at all. In fact, I'm actually here. In your dream."

                "What?"

                "That's probably a hard concept to grasp, but I learned the trick a long time ago."

                "You're actually… _here_?"

                "Don't dwell too much on it, it's not important."

                Andra took a moment to think over what was happening. And then she remembered what he first said, "You started with ' _I'm sorry'_. Why?"

                Solas sighed and turned his back to her, staring out at her dream that he was controlling, "Forgive me, I couldn't do this in person… But you deserve an apology for the way I acted in those ruins."

                "In the Emerald Graves? All those months ago?"

                "Yes."

                Andra thought back to their heated argument about the Dalish. She would admit that he hurt her, that his words cut into her like a knife, but she also knew in her heart that she couldn't hold it against him. She didn't know how she knew that, but she did. " _Irlahnash_."

                He turned and smiled sadly at her, "We won't see each other again after this, but I couldn't leave things resentful."

                "What? Why?"

                "It's not significant. Just know that I'm glad you've found some happiness."

                "What do you mean? Since I returned to my clan? I didn't go back because I missed my old life. I went back because I needed to clear my head."

                "I see. However, I was referring to the elvhen boy."

                Andra's face twisted in confusion until realization dawned on her, "Calem?"

                "I didn't need to know his name, but yes."

                "Wait. Are you here, in the Free Marches?"

                "I could not have entered your dreams from Skyhold, or anywhere else I might have been. But yes, I am nearby. I'll be gone before you wake up, though."

                "So what? _Thenan i rosan ara vun_? Pretend this never happened?" Andra fumed, feeling conflicted. In a way, she knew things should be left as is. He apologized, she had forgiven him, all was at peace. Except she wasn't. Another part of her didn't want him to go to walk out of her life.

                " _Satha, Lethallan._ "

                "Don't go…"

                " _Ahn ane gealem or_? Is it not better this way?"

                Andra stared at the fading vision of Solas, the lucidity of her dream going with him. It was all fading back to the hazy visions she was so familiar with, and with it, the control to know that she was dreaming.

                Before she knew it, Andra was once again caged in the visions of her adventures with the Inquisition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Fenedhis: Literally-"Wolf dick", but it's used as a universal curse. Such as, when you stub your toe and you cry out "fuck!/shit!" or when something crazy happens and you're just like "shit...". The term is also in relation to Fen'harel (the Dread Wolf), so it can be akin to saying "goddammit" as well, sort of like using a deity's name in vain.  
> Ara'lin'hasal: "Lover's knot". There are always two halves to this bracelet, usually shared between two people that deeply care for each other--as the name implies.  
> Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"  
> Lethallan: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar. Lethallin is used for males, while lethallan is used for females, but this is not always the case. Akin to "cousin" or "clansman" since "lin" is the word for blood.  
> Dirthas vir'dirth'elvhen?: "Can you speak Elvhen?"  
> Dirthas: "I can"  
> Eman solas i'mar eol! Bel 'Dalish tel'dirthas...: "I'm proud of your skill! Many Dalish do not..."  
> Irlahnash: "Forgiveness" or "Forgiven"  
> Thenan i rosan ara vun?: "I wake up and live my life?"  
> Satha: "Please"  
> Ahn ane gealem or?: "What are you scared of?"


	6. Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter probably isn't the die hard angst or fluff you might really be wishing for, but it was much needed to progress the story. The next chapter will be much better, I promise!

                A muffled voice called forth from the void of her hazy Fade dream, "…dra!" But she did not understand, and but a brief moment later, she forgot she had heard anything at all. "…ndra!" She heard again, this time she could make out a little more, but the comfort of sleep cradled her in its arms and coaxed her back into a deep slumber. "Andra!" Her name rang in her ears loudly, prying her from the Fade's embrace and soaring her back into consciousness. "Andra, wake up sleepyhead!"

                Silver eyes cautiously gazed through tired lids into the outside world. Andra groaned in protest at the olive face that grinned at her, green eyes shining brightly as they reflected the climbing sun's rays through the open flap of her tent. She rolled over after a moment, shutting her eyes tightly and begging sleep to sweep her away again.

                A laughed erupted behind her, "Andra, it's late morning already, you've slept in. It's time to get up!"

                "What?" She rolled back over, onto her back, and looked up at the figure of an Dalish girl.

                "It's already noon. We all thought you had gone out hunting or to pick herbs, but no one has seen you all morning, so I figured I'd check your tent. Good thing I did, too! You could have been sleeping all day!" Another soft laugh escaped the girls rosy lips.

                "It's noon, already?!" Andra said in astonishment, and suddenly her dream came crashing down on her. She had seen Solas, he had been here, inside her mind. He had come all this way to the Free Marches just to apologize to her. But he had also told her that he would be gone before she woke up… And now that she had slept in, there was absolutely no way she had a chance of catching up to him, wherever he was now.

                "Has anyone seen a strange elf around camp?"

                The girl tilted her head in confusion, Andra elaborated.

                "I had a dream about an old friend from the Inquisition, last night. And there was this strong… feeling that he was nearby, like out here, in the real world…"

                "You felt that from a dream?" The girl didn't seem to believe Andra at all, but she showed mild curiosity.

                "It's… hard to explain."

                The girl nodded, accepting her own conclusions she had drawn up, "Well, it was probably just a dream. I've had vivid dreams before that felt so real that when I woke up, I had a hard time discerning what was up and what was down."

                Andra sat up and looked down at her lap, "Yeah, maybe you're right."

                "Don't go getting all mopey. You're back home with your family, where you belong, and we all care about you!"

                "Thank you." Andra said with a smile, as she began getting out of bed, rolling up her futon on the floor and putting it in a corner of her tent.

                "Speaking of mopey, maybe you could talk to Calem? He's spent all morning kicking rocks and feeling sad for himself. He won't talk to anyone about it."

                Andra huffed out a short bark of a laugh in exasperation, "I don't doubt. We kinda… had a disagreement last night. He's probably just upset with me."

                "A disagreement?"

                Andra seemed startled by the question. The Ashihari was a small settlement, maybe sixty people including families and children, and since the Keeper never allowed major contact with other races, gossip was a wanton pleasure among the clan. A luxurious commodity.

                But Andra was thankful that, in this moment, she didn't have to confront that issue so soon.

                "A conflict of interests." Andra said plainly, not giving too much away. She was grateful that the Dalish girl caught on to the implied undertones and recognized that she didn't want to talk about it right now. "Well, give me a few minutes and I'll be out." Andra said, returning to the original issue at hand.

                The girl smiled before nodding and exiting the tent, task accomplished.

 

* * *

 

                If she could have helped it, Andra would have avoided any contact with Calem for the rest of the day. But fate was not often kind.

                After she had left her tent, the Keeper had sent Andra off on a task with her First to explore some ruins nearby, also accompanied by Calem... The ancient ruins had been found a couple months ago, but it wasn't until today that they had come to the decision to investigate it.

                The Ashihari were a different sort of Dalish. While, as elves, they still sought out lost history, they were also more cautious. Keeper Sathari put the value of the clan's well being above all else, but also was highly superstitious. She feared sending her people into the unknown territory with concern that it would upset whatever spirits dwelled there, or whatever god it might have been built for. If it had been home to anyone long ago, it felt taboo to enter.

                The dead were meant to rest.

                But Keeper Sathari had given in when most of the clan expressed their curious desire to discover whatever secrets the place might hold. Her caution, however, limited who would be allowed to go first. And she trusted her First implicitly, as well as Andra--Calem was merely the muscle there if anything got really hairy, and also the Keeper knew of his and Andra's awkward talk the previous night and she wanted them to work it out. It wouldn't do to have anyone feeling uncomfortable when there was no place for anyone to really go. Especially since they would be seeing a lot of each other until Calem decided to go back and rejoin his own clan, or on the off chance that Andra left the Dalish again.

                "Are you two ready?" The Keeper's First asked as she approached Andra and Calem--who were standing several feet away from each other and avoiding eye contact.

                "Yes." Andra replied stiffly, Calem merely nodded his head as he adjusted a strap on his backpack.

                "Then let's be off!"

                The Keeper's First was an upbeat girl with light brown hair and dark chocolate eyes. Andra remembered that her name was Oriana. Her Vallaslin stood out incredibly against her olive skin with its midnight black lines swimming across her features. But what stood out most was her height. She was taller than Andra, reaching up to Calem's own five foot, eleven inches, but her posture was proud and she didn't hide her stature.

                As they walked through the camp towards the location of the ruins, Andra saw a flash of white out of the corner of her eye and looked to her side. She saw the back of the statue of Fen'harel , placed on the edge of the settlement and facing away to remind the Dalish of the Dread Wolf's treachery , as well as to be wary less they fall prey to evil. Yet despite the tales, Andra felt something else entirely. She felt a sereneness about herself, as if Fen'harel was watching out for her. The feeling was almost strong enough that she felt if the need arose, she could pray to the Dread Wolf to rescue her. Maybe spirit her away from any pain that should befall her.

                A child's dream. She knew it was foolish to think of such things.

                Andra did, however, also notice something behind the statue--or someone--as she caught a brief glimpse of pointy ears and the top of a staff that seemed vaguely familiar. Frustratingly, the distance was too great for her to make out anything specific, and she simply pushed the observation from her mind after they walked past.

               

* * *

 

                The ruins were nothing special, and there was nothing of note worth taking back to the Ashihari camp, in the end. In fact, the ruins weren't even Elvhen--they were Dwarven. The ruin entrance led down into the earth to a wide, cavernous hall that was a dead end. Time had not been kind as the ceiling had caved in at several points, which the group assumed, without a doubt, led down to the Deep Roads. While disconcerting, there was absolutely no threat of darkspawn or even a possibility that if they were on the other side of the cave ins, that they could break through. Oriana felt most impacted by this as it meant she was going to have to go back to Keeper Sathari and tell her the bad news of their fruitless spelunking, and also that all her fears were unfounded.

                "What a shame." Calem said, more to himself than anyone, as he ran a hand over a jagged wall.

                "More like what a waste of time." Oriana sighed, exasperated.

                Andra didn't say anything. In her mind, she found the whole thing mesmerizing. Even if there was nothing to really show for their discovery, they had still wandered into a part of long lost history. There was a certain… character about the ruins, and Andra felt the stone sing beneath her touch and she trace what few carvings remained visible in the rock face. Absently, she wondered if this was how the dwarves felt.

                "Well, I think we've seen enough. We should head back." Oriana said with finality, waving everyone towards the exit.

                "You go on ahead," Andra said, "I want to look around a little more."

                "We've been here for a couple hours, there's nothing left to look at." Oriana pushed.

                "I know." Andra's gaze fell to the ground at her side and she played with the hem of her shirt, "I would just like to stay behind for a bit."

                Oriana caught the brief, awkward glances that passed between Andra and Calem and caught on. Her work as the Keeper's First might keep her incredibly busy, but she was still privy to what went on around the Ashihari camp and she had heard of the heated conversation between the two before her. That didn't mean she was going to let Andra stay here by herself, though. Even though the blonde elf was a trained fighter and an excellent hunter, Oriana worried for her safety, as she knew the Keeper would too. So… "Then Calem stays here with you." The two snapped their gazes towards the brunette and eyed her sharply, but Oriana didn't so much as flinch. "I have magic," she went on, "but you two only have the knives at your hips and the bows on your backs." She let her words speak for themselves. Oriana knew they both were very capable of protecting themselves, they both had hunted alone and been fine, and Andra had been in the Inquisition. She had no doubt of their very capable abilities. But she also knew the Keeper wanted them to work through their tension, and so far neither of them had said anything to each other.

                "But--" Andra began to protest.

                Oriana held up a hand to silence her, "Whatever is going on between you two, talk it out. You can't spend every day avoiding each other." She gave neither any time to reply and left them in their stunned silence. After a long moment, Oriana's echoing footsteps died away and it was just Andra and Calem left, illuminated by the several lit torches they had placed around the large room.

                Andra let out a hard **_'tsk'_** as she turned around on her heels to stare absently into the cold space. She had planned on talking to Calem, but not so soon, and not out in some abandoned ruins by themselves. The lack of other people and the absolute seclusion made her realize just how much she didn't want to do this. And judging by Calem's body posture, he didn't want to either.

                It wasn't that they now hated each other, or anything of the sort, it was just awkward. Andra wanted to move on, to forget that last night had even happened. What made working this issue out hard was that nothing had changed. She knew Calem still cared about her, romantically, but her feelings were still implicitly platonic.

                The promise they had made as kids was just that: a child's promise. And it was one they had made when they were both little, Andra around eight years old and Calem ten. It was a promise to marry each other when they were older, made as they wove the _Ara'lin'hasal_ together. But then their clans had parted ways, barely any letters were sent to and fro, and neither had seen each other for ten years--the next year for Andra being spent with the Inquisition. Too much time had passed, too many new friendships made, and too much had changed as they had grown older.

                Andra still had deep, friendly feelings for Calem, but they dug no deeper in her heart.

                Calem rubbed his neck sheepishly, eyes cast downward, "I guess it's just us now."

                "I'm sorry, Calem," Andra said flatly, getting straight to the point as she turned back around, "But nothing's different. I don't want this to alter us, though I know it already has."

                "If I just knew what changed…" Calem looked right into her eyes now, gold meeting silver.

                "Everything…" Andra breathed, "Everything's changed. We haven't seen each other in over a decade, we didn't even keep in contact very well, and just… so much has happened. The end of the world almost happened!"

                "But it didn't." Calem added.

                "It's still… You can't be a part of something like that and not come out changed."

                "What about before the Inquisition?"

                Andra sighed, tucking her thumbs underneath the straps of her own backpack, "I don't know. After those first few years passed, I just started accepting that we probably wouldn't ever see each other again. And I didn't want to dwell on that too much and taint all the good memories we had with sadness. By the time I was about to go off to help the Inquisition, I was twenty six--that was only last year--and I just… didn't feel the same any more.

                "This will sound stupid, like all those cheesy human romance stories Varric used to tell me about, but… it's not you, it's me."

                Despite the heaviness that lingered in the air, Calem smiled, "So I guess I'll just have to woo you and win your affections again, like a proper gentlemen."

                Andra was startled by his response but she ended up smiling back. "We'll see."

                Neither said anything else as they packed up and began leaving the ruins themselves. Andra only wished she would have remembered how long of a hike it was to get out here. By the time they would get back to camp it would be dusk. In no thanks to her waking up late this morning.  However her thoughts were drawn back to her dream as the sight of the aged and wrecked ruin entrance brought her back to the last time she had physically seen Solas. And sadness filled her heart at the thought that, now that so much time had passed, she truly would never see him again…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Ara'lin'hasal: "Lover's knot". There are always two halves to this bracelet, usually shared between two people that deeply care for each other--as the name implies.


	7. Vallaslin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so terribly sorry for the seven week delay. I did not intend for my hiatus to be so long but I was swamped with work and it kept stacking. I've some free time now though, and I'm hoping to update more from now on. Thank you for understanding!!

                About half way through their trek back to the settlement, Andra began thinking back to this morning. The Dalish girl had told her that her dream was just that: a dream. but she wasn't ready to accept that. There was something about how vivid it was, how well she remembered it still, that made her believe it was more than that. That Solas actually _had_ visited her in the Fade.

                "Calem?" Andra said softly, breaking the silence that had been stretching between them.

                "Hm?"

                She looked down at her feet, watching as small bugs dove into the shelter of the tree's roots, or skittered away from her steps, as she was passing, "I need a second opinion." She began, not quite sure how he was going to react. Calem might not have ever met Solas, but if he cared for her as much as he claimed, then he wasn't going to like that she was dreaming about him.

                Elves felt emotion more passionately, and jealousy was particularly nasty. It didn't matter that Andra didn't feel the same way towards Calem, he understood that part. What did matter is that, for him, he would see this dream as her attention was somewhere else. He would see it as he was losing her. Or maybe that was all hogwash and Andra was just over thinking things.

                "I had a dream last night…" She began, a little unsure, "My friend from the Inquisition visited me, and it felt so real. He apologized for the fight we had all those months ago and then disappeared. I've never had a dream so vivid, and I'm wondering if it was more than just a dream. If, maybe, he was actually there in the Fade with me."

                Calem seemed to scoff a little but Andra didn't notice. "I don't think a dream can be more than what it is. Sometimes we just have really vivid dreams. I used to have them about my parents, after they died, almost every night. But that was probably just because I was thinking about them constantly. My loss was fresh. Maybe it's something like that for you?" He said, looking over to her and forcing out a smile. "Or maybe, it's your mind giving you your own closure, so that you can move on? Which is a good thing. Holding onto something that hurts you just brings more pain."

                Andra pondered Calem's words in silence and said nothing else. What he had said made sense, but there was still a small part of her that wasn't so sure. She always had a good intuition about things, and never had her gut steered her wrong.

                And her gut was telling her what she already believed: Solas had been here.

 

* * *

 

                Back at camp, Andra and Calem parted ways. Calem went to let the Keeper know that they were back, and Andra retreated to her tent to be alone.

                The last half of their journey had been filled with only slightly awkward silence, but Andra had been turning over thoughts in her head, contemplating a decision: should she leave her clan? It had been some time since she had returned but in her heart, she had never planned on staying for good. She just needed to clear her head, and plenty of time had passed for that. In all honesty, she hadn't even planned on staying for more than a couple months, but here she was and already several had passed.

                Having tasted the outside world, she couldn't turn back. There was nothing more exhilarating than exploration of the unknown, having adventures with no knowledge of where they would lead. Being back with her can, the Ashihari, made her realize how bland a life amongst the Dalish was. Not that she didn't love it, and love her people, but she had experienced something greater and now there was no possibility that she could return to a simple life.

                The real issue with her plan, however, was: where would she go?

                Andra had no interest in returning to the Inquisition unless it was to see her friends--but definitely not for business. There was no danger for her to fight, no cause to stand with against a threat; now was a time of peace for all of Theadas. But for her, it was a time of loss, she had no purpose.

                Andra rolled out her futon for later when she would sleep before sitting back on her haunches. There really was nowhere to go. Nothing to do.

                Her mood souring, Andra decided to go for a walk to clear her head. Perhaps the fresh air of the forest would answer the emptiness inside her.

                She was grateful that no one asked where she was going, nor paid attention to her, as she walked out of the settlement. She had no desire to speak to anyone. Most of all, she felt relief that she never caught sight of Calem. Whatever he was doing, she didn't want to see him. While thankful she and Calem had worked out their differences, she was seeking solitude. It wouldn't do her any good to have her mind distracted.

               

                The forest was calm in the impeding darkness, sky aflame with the fading mauve rays of the sun that had already set below the horizon. In the distance, the soft chirping of bugs began their smooth crescendo into the night, mingling with the faint woosh of a warm breeze that wove its way through the trees.

                Andra sighed, serene, content. She breathed in the smell of dew that danced with the fragrant fauna, and gazed up at the twinkling stars that managed to pierce through the forest's canopy. When she had been a teenager, often had she danced in the moonlight, but much time had passed since those carefree nights. Still, the memories bubbled up, and Andra smiled fondly in their remembrance.

                " _Vera em su tarasyl_." She whispered to the dark, feeling the grass between the toes of her bare feet and the bark of a tree under her fingers, which sang with life and sent Andra's hand tingling.

                " _Juveran na su tarasyl_." A whisper that was not her own carried to her ears. Instinctively, her ears twitched at the barely audible words and she slunk into the darkness of a nearby tree's shadow. Her heart thrummed against her chest at the thought that she wasn't alone, but curiosity begged her to find out who it was.

                She peeked her head out from the place she hid and scanned the darkness; she could make out nothing. Her eyes told her that she was alone, as did her ears, but her mind felt the itch of a presence nearby now that she had been alerted to it.

                "Show yourself!" Andra called, feeling brave and safe in the arms of her childhood home. But no answer came, in any form. And somewhere in the back of her mind, she had an inkling that whoever it was, they were getting away.

                Slowly at first, she started in the direction her instincts were telling her to go, but then she was jogging, scanning every inky shadow for a sign. Only after a minute or so, did she see a faint blue glow ahead of her, weaving through the trees. She ran faster, trying to catch up to it, to see what it was. However, at her increased pace, the glow began moving faster too--but Andra had gained ground and now she could see that the blue came from a staff in the hands of a person, silhouetted by the night.

                They rounded a large tree, Andra followed. But as she came to the other side, she was met with emptiness. No glow, no rustling of leaves, and no person.

                "Who are you?" She tried again, and her heart seemed to claw at her ribcage, wanting to escape as a sadness filled her when only silence replied. She didn't know why she felt that way, why tears stung her eyes as they threatened to fall. She wiped them away quickly, confused. But the intensity of the emotion gave away how she was feeling as she started sniffling. The sensation was odd, almost as if her body knew something that her mind didn't. She took a deep breath to calm herself, leaning against the tree she had just rounded and then sliding down until she was sitting.

                "You would cry for me, Lethallan?" The soft, foreign whisper came to her again. She didn't stand up, however, she knew it was pointless to chase what she couldn't catch. But her breathing hitched when she recognized the familiarity of the tone.

                Her head whipped to the side as she saw the blue glow very close to her, a few meters away, and it was illuminating a stoic face. "Solas?" She didn't know if she had said it, or if it had been the ghost of a word in her mind. But she did stand up then.

                The blue, which she now realized was a flame, dimmed slightly though Solas had not moved. But then she remembered him to be a mage and it made sense that he would be able to control it with a mere thought or desire.

                Andra took a hesitant step forward. Though the last time she had seen him in person had been months ago and it had ended on a sour note, she felt no anger or resentment for the elf in front of her. "Is it really you?" She asked, "You're really here?" She wanted to reach out and touch him, graze his skin with her finger tips to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

                "It is. I am." He answered, monotone.

                "Last night…" Andra halted her movement, wrapping her arms around herself to stave off the cold that was only her own, "in my dream… you told me I would never see you again."

                "I told you I would be gone by the time you woke up, and I was." Solas corrected. Despite his cold tone, he seemed very relaxed.

                "But you're back now?"

                "I made it as far as the edge of this forest before I decided to turn around."

                "Why?"

                The silence stretched between the two, crickets whistled to fill the void, and Andra shivered against the warm wind. "I don't know." He finally said. This time, his face fell a little, looking a bit sullen as he stared into the silver eyes of the blonde before him.

                " _Irlahnash_." Andra repeated, and when Solas gave her a quizzical look, she went on. "I wanted to say it in person, that way there's no doubt about its authenticity." But now she couldn't help herself, and she was stepping closer, a foot apart now, and she reached up and cupped his face, rubbing a thumb over his cheek. "This is real…"

                " _Ahn ane gealem or?_ " He said softly, dimming the flame further until the blue glow that wrapped itself around the two was extinguished.

                "Waking up." Andra admitted without hesitation. "I don't want this to be another dream." She paused a moment, wondering if she should go on, "When I came back here, after a while… all those things you said to me started to really make sense. They clawed at me until all those lies I used to tell myself were gone, and all that was left was your words… I wanted to hate you, but I can't. Because a part of me knows you're right, and the other part wants to hold tight to what I know."

                But even without the light of his magical flame, Andra's face was still illuminated by the full moon, and Solas couldn't keep the scoff from escaping his lips at the sight of her Vallaslin. She, of course, didn't understand the reason behind him recoiling from her touch.

                "Do you hate me, Solas? Because I'm Dalish…" Andra trailed off, her gaze falling away to the side where she stared at the puddles of light that pierced through the forest's canopy and dotted the area like spotlights.

                "I don't hate you." Solas said quickly, "but I do hate the Dalish."

                This time, Andra felt she could handle it, "Why?"

                "There's no excuse for ignoring the truth. It's right in front of them, staring them in the face. All that's required is that they piece together the puzzle to uncover the whole picture. The answers, the brutally honest truth, is out there. The Dalish could reclaim what they once were, they could save the legacy of the Ancient Elves, they could know their history! But they choose not to… And especially the Vallaslin…"

                "They're to honor the gods--"

                "They are slave markings!" Solas cut in, unable to stop himself. Though he wished he had when he saw the shock on Andra's face.

                And it was a shock to him to. Never had he known her to be so receptive, yet there she was, taking in and accepting his every word. Though he knew if he should lie to her, she would know. The year they had spent together in the Inquisition had been spent with quite a few arguments about the Elves but Andra always defended the Dalish at every turn.

                Perhaps it was the months she had been away, back here, after the end of it all.

                After he had pushed her away.

                "Forgive my tone, but when I look upon your people, when I look upon… you… it angers me. To see elves willingly brand themselves…" He took a deep breath and grabbed his staff with both hands as he leaned against it. "You don't see noble Dwarves tattooing their faces with the brand of their casteless."

                "That's different…"

                "Is it? And what if their history was wiped out, their records gone, and their elders dead, and the next generation had to piece it all back together but they mistook the sign of the casteless as one of nobility? That their forefathers marked themselves this way to be closer to the Stone? Would it not be the same then?"

                Andra was silent. She heard the truth ring in his words but it was still hard to swallow. And then suddenly, as she stood there, she felt more than just shame for being Dalish, but she felt the heaviness of her Vallaslin. Of its implications.

                "So my face, these markings… it's all just something else we got wrong?" Her voice cracked but she hoped it wouldn't carry to his ears.

                Solas placed a hand on her shoulder then, "It's not your fault. How could you have known?"

                It was her turn to scoff, "You've been telling me all this time that the truth was right there in front of us. So how could we not have known?"

                "I would say chalk it up to human nature, but…" He let the sentence hang there, knowing she would understand.

                Andra laughed, "I guess weren't not so different in certain ways."

                A quietness stretched out over several moments. Andra pondered the new information she had just received and Solas seemed to be mulling something over to himself as he toed at the ground. But when the silence was unbearable, he looked back up at the blonde before him and determination was set in his blue eyes.

                "I could… remove the Vallaslin."

                At first, Andra didn't understand. It was more than simple ink that had been imprinted upon her face, it was blood writing. But then the weight of his words settled into her mind and replaced her confusion with disbelief. "You can… remove it?"

                "Yes, if that is what you want."

                "If what you say is true, about the Vallaslin, then I would want it removed. The Dalish are not slaves, we're good people, just… ignorant…"

                Solas stood but inches away from Andra as he smiled. His hand began to glow then, wrapped in a brilliant blue fire as he ran them, hovering, over her face. She felt no burning sensation, but rather a tingle as the fire spread across the lines on her features, eating away at the Vallaslin until it was only her skin that lay beneath his hands. She felt a strange longing under his touch, a need to be closer to him, and she reveled in the small moment they were sharing.

                When she opened her eyes, he was staring at her, and she felt a strange heat rise to her cheeks. The air was thick with an emotional electricity and Andra had the odd desire to want to be in Solas' arms, though she knew that was absurd.

                "Such a beautiful face to lie beneath such crude markings." And his words only thickened the tension she was feeling. She hoped it didn't show. Or at least, she hoped he felt it too.

                "Thank you." And she meant it.

                "Think of it as a gift, to make up for all the times I hurt you." Then he seemed to straighten and grip his staff more tightly as if getting ready to leave, " _Dar'atisha_."

                "You're going?"

                "There is much for me to do."

                Andra lifted a hand, as if to grab his shirt to stop him but she halted about half way through when she realized what she was doing, and curled her arm into her chest. "Can you not stay?"

                "There's no reason for me to be here other than to see you."

                "And that's not enough?"

                Somewhere in Solas' heart, he felt the same pull towards the girl in front of him, he had felt this feeling for a long time. He'd known her over a year, and they had become quite close in the Inquisition, despite their differences.

                Andra had been his dearest friend, always his listening ear even if she didn't want to hear what he had to say. She put up with him, like no one else would, nor had, and he appreciated her more than he would ever say. But therein lied the problem. He didn't want to get close to anyone only to hurt them in the end. Andra most of all.

                "You should get back to your clan." He said, finally.

                "Will I see you again?"

                "I don't know."

                Her shoulders slumped at his words but she knew she wouldn't get anywhere arguing with him or pleading. " _Sal sura_."

                He nodded at her, " _Sule melan'an_."

                Andra stared at his departing form until he was lost from sight and she was alone, before she even thought about turning in the other direction to make it back to her settlement. And even then, her feet carried her all the way to her tent without her even realizing it, her mind in other places. Despite his going, she felt a welcome happiness at having seen Solas again. And especially that there were no hard feelings between them.

                It wasn't until she had stripped to her smalls and her plain white shirt that she realized the ramifications of her decision. Her Vallaslin was gone, and without a doubt, everyone in the camp would notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Vera em su tarasyl: "Take me to the sky"  
> Juveran na su tarasyl: "I will take you to the sky"  
> Irlahnash: "Forgiveness" or "Forgiven"  
> Ahn ane gealem or?: "What are you scared of?"  
> Dar'atisha: "Go in peace"  
> Sal sura: "Visit me again"  
> Sule melan'an: "Until then"


	8. The Truth

                Andra awoke the next morning feeling more rested than she had in months. Though, when the last signs of sleep left her system and she rubbed her eyes and stretched before getting out of bed, the realization of her predicament hit her. And as she rolled up her futon and placed it in the corner of her tent, fear gripped her.

                Andra didn't know how people might react to the removal of her Vallaslin. They could treat her the same, but more than likely they would treat the change harshly. The Dalish strode with pride once they received their Vallaslin. For them, it was a sign of earned adulthood, and a way for them to feel closer to their Elvhen gods.

                There was little to be done now, anyway. Andra had to simply embrace the situation and never look back.

                Confidently, but also with wracking nerves, Andra exited her tent and began a steady pace towards Keeper Sathari's tent. She needed to explain everything to her, and also let her know that she was going to leave the clan once again. No doubt everyone would see her choice last night negatively, and there was no doubt in Andra's mind that they would see her acceptance of Solas' words as akin to treason, in a way. She now had no place among her people.

                The second Andra exited her tent, an elf across the way grinned at her and raised their hand in greeting, but stopped once they took note of her barren face. Their own features creased with confusion as the elf stood up to confront her.

                It was a young boy, with blonde hair and eyes as green as the treetops. Andra hardly spoke to him but she knew who he was. He made it to her side and walked with her then. "Andra?"

                "Yes?" She said, a little irritably but also softly. She didn't expect to be confronted so immediately.

                "What happened to your face? Your Vallaslin?"

                Andra sighed, never looking at the boy once, "I can't explain right now. I need to see the Keeper."

                "This is most unusual…" He whispered, more to himself than anything. Andra ignored him and after a couple steps, he stopped walking with her and went back to his duties.

                Andra did her best to ignore the stares that followed her, but she became most agitated when she was stopped once by some of the hunters and they questioned her on who she was. It took several minutes to convince them of her identity as they insisted that the Vallaslin could not be removed and that ' _their Andra'_ would never do such a thing even if it were possible. Once convinced, they stared at her shocked, but she pushed through and sighed with relief once inside Keeper Sathari's tent.

                The old woman, who had been mixing some herbs together in a bowl, now stared wide-eyed at the blonde elf in front of her. She stands up immediately and goes over to Andra, cupping the young girl's face in her hands and tilting her head in every which way as if examining her for some sort of illness. Andra, of course, grabs the Keeper's hands and pulls them away and down between them.

                She takes a deep breath and begins, "I know this is strange… but I want you to understand that I wanted this."

                Keeper Sathari's hands shook in Andra's, "Your Vallaslin, _Da'len_ …"

                Andra jumped right in, no tiptoeing around the issue, "I saw Solas last night," and she hurried along as she saw the question already forming in the old woman's eyes, "we had a long talk… We worked out our differences, and I…  he offered to remove my Vallaslin after he told me what the markings meant." Andra looked at the ground between them, licking her lips, "and I agreed." She laughed softly after that, realizing that it was so obvious what she had agreed to.

                "Why, my child?" Sathari's eyebrows creased in concern, "The Vallaslin is not a symbol of something bad. It is what our people did long ago, in remembrance of our gods--"

                "It's not." Andra cut in a bit more harshly than she had intended, "I'm sorry… but you wouldn't understand…"

                "Help me to understand, then." Sathari pleaded, gripping Andra's hands more tightly.

                The blonde looked up at the old woman before her and smiled sadly. "Solas explained to me… that he learned of their true origin. That the Vallaslin was a sign of slavery. We shame ourselves by willingly wearing these blood writing shackles. And I believe him… He's never had a reason to lie to me before."

                Sathari was quiet for a long moment. For Andra, it felt as if hours could have passed, though it was only about a minute. "I don't doubt your belief in him," Sathari started slowly, and Andra had a feeling that the old woman was a little irritated, "But sometimes people **_do_** lie without reason. How can you be so sure that he's not simply trying to pull you away from the Dalish, from your clan?! You spoke so passionately of his hatred for our people. I do not trust his intentions."

                "I don't think so. He wouldn't do that."

                "How do you know, _Da'len_?"

                "I've known him a while, Keeper, and I trust my gut when it says that he would never do such a thing. He's never been that kind of person. Solas is honest, brutally at times. If he wanted to hurt me in any way, he would not have done it as discreetly as you're trying to imply."

                "I can put the Vallaslin back. It would be the same as the first time. You'll probably even handle the pain better now that you know what to expect--"

                "I don't want that, Keeper!" Andra said forcefully. "And I didn't come in here to fight about it. I came here because I wanted to tell you that I'm leaving. But knowing the situation, I had to explain my face first. I'm not here to debate anything, I just wanted to explicate my position. If I had known how troublesome this whole ordeal was going to be, I might of thought of leaving last night when everyone was asleep…"

                Sathari seemed to relax a little bit then. Then the old woman's eyes stung with the threat of tears as she sat back down on the stool in her tent she had been occupying when Andra had come to her. "All the years the clan helped raise you…" She sobbed, to herself rather than Andra. "We tried to give you the best life we could possibly offer. A life full of safety and love. But you were always an adventurous one. I couldn't stop you from joining the Inquisition… I know I can't stop you now… If I'd only known the heartache you would bring this old woman when I saved you from the Arbor Wilds…" Then her mouth snapped shut and her eyes locked with Andra's as she realized she let something slip that she hadn't intended.

                "The Arbor Wilds?" Andra asked, confused.

                "It's nothing, forget I said anything. I'm just an old woman getting her memories mixed up." And suddenly the Keeper was back to mixing herbs, trying to dissuade the young blonde from asking any more questions.  

                "I've only been to the Arbor Wilds when I was with the Inquisition and we were fighting Corypheus." Andra walked over to where the old woman sat on her stool at her little table and stood in front of her. "And what do you mean saved me?"

                "It was just a small accident when you were very young. It's not important now." The Keeper bluffed.

                "No it is. I've heard nothing of this. Never a word from any of the elders or anyone else in the camp. But if you won't tell me, I'll go ask one of them, even if that means I have to tell everyone why I no longer have my Vallaslin."

                " _Da'len_ , wait!" Sathari grabbed Andra's arm as the girl had tried to leave. She sighed in defeat and told the younger girl to sit on the floor with her. It took her several moments before she said anything. The long years of silence and lying screamed at her to keep her mouth shut, that she was doing the wrong thing. But Sathari knew it was important for Andra to know the truth, even if it pained her to say it.

                "You were but a child when I found you… It feels like such a long time ago…" The Keeper began as they sat there. Andra stared into Sathari's face, wary of more deceit.  "I forbid any of the elders, or their children to tell you of your upbringing. I didn't want you to feel alienated." She held back a laugh, no doubt Andra felt exactly that in this moment. "You were about four years old when I plucked you from the Arbor Wilds. An orphan…"

                "But you told me…" Andra started, "that my parents died from werewolves during the Fifth Blight. Down in the Brecilian Forest in Ferelden. That was the whole reason the clan moved up here to the Free Marches… So that no one else would get hurt…"

                But Sathari was already shaking her head. "A story meant to appease your curiosity. I don't know what happened to your parents, but I'm very sure that they were dead before we found you. And we had moved up here to the Free Marches long before the threat of the Blight plagued Ferelden."

                "What if they came looking for me after you whisked me away?!" Andra's voice was raised now but Sathari hushed her.

                "I thought they might, too. So I waited with a couple of the elders in the area we had found you for a couple weeks. There was no one to claim you. So I and the rest of the clan took it upon ourselves to raise you. None of us could have lived with ourselves if we had left you there."

                "So… I was just a four year old wandering the Arbor Wilds?" It was too hard for her to believe, it sounded ridiculous.

                "I know not how else I could explain it. But yes. We never learned where you came from. But you've been a miracle to this clan and we all love you very much."

                Then a thought came to Andra as she recalled her time with the Inquisition. "Isn't the Temple of Mythal in those wilds? Did I come from there?"

                Sathari could only merely shrug, "We don't know. And none of us thought to find out. We've heard the stories of the elves that live in the Temple. They are unkind to strangers and the risk was too great."

                Andra slouched in her sitting position, taking everything in. This morning was proving to be much more eventful than she thought it would be. In no way had she ever dreamed of learning of such a thing. And this grand lie tore at her.

                This new knowledge meant that Andra was not Dalish, she was not born into her clan. And while she tried to tell herself that the origin didn't matter, in the back of her mind, it made her feel suddenly detached from everything she thought she knew.

                "I'll start my journey there." Andra said to herself, mostly as an afterthought.

                "The Temple?"

                "The elves might still be there. Hopefully, at least Abelas might…"

                "You don't have to go, _Da'len_." Sathari pleaded. "Your Vallaslin is gone and it's okay you want it to stay that way… I could come up with some explanation for the rest of the clan."

                "No," Andra said curtly, "no more lies." And then she got up and left the Keeper's tent.

                It wouldn't take long for her to pack her things and be on her way. She was still in the Free Marches, after all, and the Arbor Wilds were not that far away. Nor was the Temple of Mythal, for that matter. Andra would have her answers soon enough, she hoped. But if the elves were no longer there, Andra didn't know what she would do…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Da'len: "Child"


	9. Leaving

                Andra barely heard the flap of her tent open, nor took much note of the footsteps that stopped just behind her, as she packed her things and tied down a rolled, thick blanket to the top of her backpack for sleeping while on the road. She did, however, stop what she was doing when the person behind her spoke.

                "What's going on, Andra? The whole clan is talking about you…" She recognized the voice: Calem. Mentally, she cursed as she wished she wouldn't have to face him. They might not be as close as they once were, and Andra didn't love him like she once did, but she still cared for him and didn't want to hurt him. To tell him that she was going to abandon the Dalish because of a Shem would be the most painful insult she could give him. She knew of his hatred for humans--for anyone that wasn't Dalish, really--and he wouldn't understand her situation.

                She turned around, hesitantly, and Calem seemed to freeze as he saw her bare face. "I removed my Vallaslin, and I'm leaving the clan for a while. I don't know when I'll be back." She said. It's wasn't entirely the truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

                "How could you get rid of your Vallaslin?" He said in shock.

                "It doesn't matter." Andra turned away from him to fasten the buckle on her on pack before standing up and slinging it onto her shoulders.

                "Why are you leaving?"

                "I need to find some answers for myself. I'm sorry…" She let the sentence hang there. There was so much she felt she should apologize for when it came to Calem. For him coming all this way just to be rejected for his love; for Andra not doing better to keep in touch, especially when they had been so close; for leaving so suddenly when he had only just arrived, especially when it was her he had come to see… And most of all, for not having the courage to tell him that the reason she no longer loved him like he did her, was because she had feelings for someone else. Though, the last part, she had yet to come to terms with. Her mind still buried the thought deep in her head.

                His faced creased with confusion, "Answers about what?"

                "I don't have time to explain…"

                Calem grabbed her arm as she tried to brush past him. "I've only just arrived and now you're off again?"

                "I'm sorry… I need to do this or it'll drive me crazy." She gave him a sad look, she wished she could tell him everything. But doing so would drive them apart, and he wouldn't understand either way.

                "Will I see you again?"

                "I don't know…"

                His shoulders slumped at her words as he released her arm, and his face fell slightly. But then an idea seemed to come to him. "Let me come with you." and it was Andra's turn to be confused. He continued quickly, "I should be returning to my clan soon anyway to help with the merge, but a couple more days won't kill anyone. I could come with you to help you find your answers? And then… maybe… you could come back with me to my clan since you're so dead set on leaving yours…"

                Andra was stunned, "Calem, I… I don't think that's a good idea."

                "And why not? It can't hurt to have an extra set of hands around. And it'll be safer rather than traveling by yourself."

                She began shifting her weight from one foot to the other in discomfort, "I don't want you to get hurt." She admitted, knowing that although she was trying to deter him, it would sprout up more questions.

                "I won't get hurt. I've very capable, I'll have you know." He smirked despite the tension, completely missing what Andra was trying to imply.

                "I know. I mean… the answers I'm looking for will hurt you… And I can't go back with you to your clan."

                He still didn't seem to catch on, "How could the answers you're looking for hurt me? But you don't have to make a decision on coming back with me right away, there'll be plenty of time to think it over while we're in search of what you're looking for first. "

                "I can't…" Andra said in exasperation. She was trying her best to shield him but he kept pushing. But then her mind reminded her that he was a man now. They weren't kids anymore. He could handle what she would have to throw at him. She hoped, at least… "I'm leaving the Dalish, Calem. Permanently. I don't ever plan on coming back to my clan, and I can't go with you to yours for the same reason. I need to get away. I need to do some things for myself…"

                His smile died away, "But you're Dalish. How can you… abandon your people? Abandon all that you've ever known."

                Andra sighed in irritation and pushed through the flap of her tent, walking outside as Calem followed her. "You wouldn't understand." She said a bit harshly as she made her way towards the clan's craftsmen. She needed to pick up a new bow, he last one was almost as old as she was and she feared it would break soon. She didn't want to have to deal with that problem while on the road, but a part of her did weep at the thought of obtaining a new weapon. She had made many memories with her old bow. In a way, it was a part of her, it knew her intimately as she had carried it during many important events in her life. But she knew it was just a thing, it wasn't alive, and a newer bow would serve her much better than the old one. It wouldn't do to get sentimental over an inanimate object.

                " _Haren_!" Andra called to the elder that was bent over a table, carving intricate designs into the wood of a small buckler. The old man looked up at Andra as she approached, and he too dawned a look of surprise at the sight of her face. Andra concluded that she would never live it down, nor would anyone ever get used to it.

                "Andra?" The elder said softly, trying to convince himself of her identity.

                "Yes, I've no time to explain, I've done enough of that this morning with some of the hunters, the Keeper, and now Calem." With the last mention, she pointed a thumb at the elf who was standing right behind her. "I need a new bow, I'm leaving the clan for a while, I don't know when I'll be back, but my old one is no longer suited for use."

                The old man grinned at the last part, "Finally heeding my advice about a new weapon?" He chided in a friendly manner.

                Andra smiled back, "I'm sentimental."

                The elder then turned around to a rack behind him that held a number of weapons he had just finished that week. As he was looking through them, finding one that he would deem acceptable for Andra's talents, Calem stepped up to the young girl's side.

                "Please talk to me." He whispered to her, golden eyes pleading.

                "I have. There's nothing more to say."

                Calem ran a hand through his chocolate hair then but didn't have the time to reply as the old man turned back around with a beautiful recurve bow in his hands, embroidered with many intricate designs of the forest the Ashihari lived in.

                Andra stared at the weapon in amazement, taking it from the elder's hands and running her own over it. She admired the leaves and branches carved into the body and tested the draw weight as she pulled on the string. It was perfect for her. "Wow, _Haren_ , you've outdone yourself this time."

                The old man smiled with pride, "I made it just for you, actually. I had a feeling you would be asking me for a new one soon."

                Andra couldn't stop the wide grin that spread across her face and she couldn't hold herself back as she hugged the elder tightly. For her gratitude of such beautiful craftsmanship, but also because he wasn't making a big deal out of her Vallaslin or her leaving like everyone else. He always had been quite understanding, and never prodded when he knew someone didn't want to go too much into the details.

                "Thank you." She cried into his shoulder, her heart swelling with happiness. But also sorrow as she knew she might not see him again.

                "Take care of yourself."

                Then Andra was off, walking briskly towards the edge of the camp.

                Calem still trailing behind her.

                "Calem…" Andra started as she reached the unlit lantern that marked the outskirts of the settlement. But he was ready for her this time:

                "You have nothing to lose by letting me come with you." Calem interrupted.

                But how wrong he was; she could lose him. "Why do you want to come with me? Why not just go back to your own clan? They probably need you the most."

                He flinched at her words, "What if I say I just want to spend time with you? We've been apart for so long, is it so hard to believe that I'm just afraid I'll never see you again?"

                Andra mulled this over, feeling awful for putting him in such a situation. "If you come with me, you're not going to like what we find. I know that already. No matter what you say to reassure me, I know that we'll never be the same again. And that's most likely not for the better."

                "You don't know that." He put a hand on her shoulder then.

                "Okay…" Andra gave in, but still certain that it was a bad idea.

                "Give me a few minutes to get my things." Calem said, then he left in the direction of his tent.

                Andra tilted her head back and stared up at the sky, asking herself what she was getting herself into as she slung the string of her bow over her shoulder and waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Haren: "Elder"


	10. A Change of Plans

                As soon as Calem had gathered his things and let Keeper Sathari know that he would be leaving back to his clan--which was really only partly true--Andra wasted no time in setting off. She wanted no long, drawn out goodbyes full of sorrow and endless questions on why. She didn't have time. And if anyone truly wanted answers, they could go to the Keeper. Andra had told the old women everything, but whether she would pass that on if any of the Ashihari asked, it was uncertain.

                "So, where are we headed?" Calem asked as he adjusted one of the straps to his backpack on his shoulder.

                Andra didn't look at him as she replied, "To the Arbor Wilds."

                This just seemed to confuse the elf even more, "You're looking for answers in the Arbor Wilds?"

                "We're going to the Temple of Mythal," Andra explained. "I'm hoping that the elvhes that lived there haven't left yet. Or at least the Abelas is still there."

                "Abelas?"

                Andra sighed, she knew that this back and forth of questions and answers would be endless until they reached their destination, "He's one of the elves that lives in the Temple, protecting its secrets."

                Calem still didn't seem to understand, but he saw the tired look in Andra's eyes--as she had spent her entire morning in the hands of people who didn't understand her position--and he remained silent.

                For over an hour, neither said a word as they trekked on. Andra spent this welcome silence replaying everything the Keeper had said to her. About not being truly Dalish, about being whisked away into the Ashihari when she was only four. It all made so much sense to her now. This explained why she was the way she was. Andra had always wanted to leave the seclusion of her Dalish clan, despite the Keeper's warnings, and she had done exactly that when she left for the Inquisition and had become of something so much greater. Or how, in the long run, it had been so easy for her to accept Solas' words, as if a part of her knew they rang with truth. Though whenever Andra had questioned even the smallest things of Dalish culture with her clan, she had been scolded severely for it and told that there wasn't enough history left for them to piece together, so the truth could never be known and she should never judge. In the simplest, the Dalish didn't want to change, even if they knew they were wrong. It didn't matter anymore.

                A rustling of leaves alerted Andra's trained, pointed ears and her head snapped to the side to see what it was. Calem seemed to have been mulling over his own thoughts--as she had--as he hadn't even noticed the noise and asked what was wrong when he saw her sudden movement.

                Andra didn't answer him as her silver eyes scanned the forest around them, doused in the warm light of midday. But she didn't have to search long as a figure stepped out of the trees, unabashed by discovery. Andra recognized the person immediately and she couldn't help a smile from breaking out on her face.

                "Solas!" She called in excitement, and for the moment, Calem was forgotten.

                "Hello again." He said plainly, stopping a few feet in front of her and leaning against his staff as they spoke.

                "I thought you left?"

                "I did. But I didn't get far before a thought came to me. No doubt my actions caused your clan extreme distress and I worried that they might drive you out under the pressure. So I came back to make sure you were okay."

                This gave Andra pause, "You worried about me?"            

                "And why would I not? We are--or at the very least, _were_ \--very close friends. Is it not common place for friends to care about each others'  well being?"

                Andra flushed under his words, "I know we moved past that argument… but I was unsure of the damage that our relationship endured. I didn't know if… if after last night, that was it."

                Solas' eyes were gentle and his expression soft as he looked upon the blonde he had grown so close to. "There are so few people I've been able to call friend in this world, I'd be a fool to toss away you."

                Andra felt disarmed. Now was one of the rare few moments she and Solas had shared in the time they had known each other; a moment where personal differences didn't matter. Or maybe it was just that she had told him that she believed everything he had said about the Dalish. She cared not, though. What mattered most, right now, was that despite everything, he cared for her. _Still_ cared for her.

                "Thank you…" was all she could say as her eyes stung with the threat of tears which she so desperately was failing to hold back.

                Solas stepped closer and placed a hand on Andra's cheek, brushing away one of the droplets that was falling down her face with his thumb. " _Ar lasa mala revas, Lethallan._ "

                "Not quite," Andra answered, pulling away from his touch and wiping her own face clean with the back of her hand. "The Keeper… she told me some disturbing things. I'm going back to the Temple of Mythal to find some answers."

                "Answers? At the Temple?" Solas was surprised, but not as much as Andra had expected him to be. His surprise was actually very slight and seemed a bit forced. "What answers do you hope to find there?"

                 "The truth about my past."

                There was a half grunt, half snort, from next to the duo and they both turned, startled, to see Calem staring at them with his arms crossed over his chest. It was then that Andra realized she had completely forgotten that he was traveling with her, and the proximity she shared with Solas caused her to feel a bit embarrassed. Solas didn't seem to have any qualms about their situation, but rather, he actually looked a little irritated at the interruption.

                "Your past should already be obvious to you," Calem interjected. "You might not have had your parents to tell you all the details, but at least your clan elders and your Keeper were there to take over when that incident with the werewolves happened. And thank the gods that you clan moved out there as quickly as they had to the Free Marches so other kids didn't have to grow up orphans."

                Andra winced at his words as they stung deep in her heart. Though, much to her surprise, they didn't hurt as much as she thought they would. That was most likely due to the fact that this version of her life that she had grown up with was a lie. Or at least, Andra believed it was. There was no reason for Keeper Sathari to spew out falsities without reason. But this was all the more reason that Andra needed to go to the Temple, to find out what was true. To find out who she really was.

                "Sathari told me that all of that was a lie, Calem. I had a long talk with her this morning before we left. The Ashihari never lived in Ferelden, we had always lived here in the Free Marches. But I was not born into that clan. They might have raised me, but they are not my people. Family doesn't lie to family just to keep someone's feelings from getting hurt.

                "I was told I was found in the Arbor Wilds, near the Temple of Mythal, when I was just four. No one has any idea who my parents are or what happened to them. So forgive me for wanting to know the truth." Andra was fuming. Calem had no right to patronize her. An old friend or not, he didn't know everything.

                "What?" Calem asked, his golden eyes shining with confusion.

                Solas remained silent during the exchange, but there was something in his own blue eyes that itched at the back of Andra's mind. She just couldn't place a finger on what it was.

                "But we've known each other forever," Calem went on. "Surely, someone would have let that slip."

                But Andra was already shaking her head, a new realization coming to her. "They did. Looking back…" she cast out her silvery gaze to the side, thinking over all the times she had missed what people had been saying about her during the course of her life, "the elders let it slip quite a bit. But it had always been so vague and I never realized they had been talking about me…"

                Calem stared hard at the ground, mulling over this new information. He didn't seem to want to accept it, as if it all sounded terribly wrong in his head.

                " _Ahnsul ma amahn?"_ Solas asked, but Calem didn't understand.

                "I might be an elf, but I don't know Elvhen," the brunet said with a slight scold. "Only a few words; some greetings and farewells and I'm sorry. Most of the language is lost to us."

                Solas suppressed a scoff, "And your Keepers; they know Elvhen, do they not?"

                Calem's irritation grew as he realized what Andra had told him about--Solas' disregard for the Dalish. "Not as much as you think. Though enough that they could piece it all back together with a little effort. Why would it matter when most Dalish can't speak it, anyway? It's a very small, unimportant part of the history we try to recover."

                It was now Solas' turn to become angry as he glared at the young elf before him, "All Elvhen history is a treasure. To lose even a piece of it would be a great loss."

                " _Te'rulin_." Andra sighed in exasperation. Wanting to avoid the fight she knew was coming.

                But then the blonde's sour mood fell away as an idea came to her, causing a bright smile to spread on her face. She turned to the bald elf and captured his blue gaze, "Come with me, _satha_."

                Solas' anger fell away at the request, " _Elan av'ahna ahnsul?"_

                Andra continued to smile, but it was a little softer now, " _Isavahnan falon_."

                A smile touched at older elf's features, " _Ma nuvenin._ "

                Andra clasped her hands together, a thrill of adrenaline rushing through her spine at the thought of traveling with Solas once again. The only one who didn’t seemed to understand was Calem, who did not know what either had said.

                "We should get going," the brunet said, wanting Andra to say farewell to this intruder. At least, that's who he was to Calem, who, at this very moment, could feel Andra slipping further and further from his grasp. He knew that her romantic feelings for him were gone, but Calem had hoped that he would be able to turn the tide in his favor with this journey. A journey between the two of them.

                Andra nodded her agreement. "Yes, we should." She then turned to look at her old friend, "and Solas is coming with us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Ar lasa mala revas: "You are free"  
> Lethallan: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar. Lethallin is used for males, while lethallan is used for females, but this is not always the case. Akin to "cousin" or "clansman" since "lin" is the word for blood.  
> Ahnsul ma amahn?: "Why are you here?"  
> Te'rulin: "Not important" / "Of no importance"  
> Satha: "Please"  
> Elan av'ahna ahnsul?: "May I ask why?"  
> Isavahnan falon: "I need a companion/friend" (Literally: "I require a friend")  
> Ma nuvenin: "As you wish" / "As you desire"


	11. Pain and Loss

                "I don't understand," Calem said, honestly. "You were so against me coming with you, it took a lot of persuasion on my part. Yet you **_asked_** him to come along? I thought maybe you didn't want my company because you were looking to be alone?"

                Andra felt awkward under Calem's gaze as the trio walked through the thick forest. "It's not like that…" she started, cautiously, not quite knowing how to explain herself.

                "Is it that you rather don't care for me at all anymore?"

                Andra shook her head quickly and confidently, "Not at all!" Then she sighed, searching her mind for the right words. "I told you I didn't want you to come because… I know that… that whatever answers I find, they'll hurt you. What little I know already would hurt you… And I'm trying desperately to not ruin the friendship we've made…" She trailed off, feeling like an idiot and not knowing if she was even getting her point across, or if her words even rang any chords with her old friend.

                "I assure you, Andra, nothing would ever drive me away from you. What we have isn't so easily broken."

                "Let me ask you a hypothetical question then," she began, determined to make him understand the severity of her quest. "What if I told you that I was turning my back on the Dalish because of a _shem_? Or that it was because I found humans to be less detestable and I was moving to a city--where I would eventually rally behind a ridiculous cause of theirs to destroy all Dalish clans? Would that affect your feelings for me at all? Because, even though it's not that extreme, and even though I love our people and would never do anything to harm them, that's how serious this is, Calem."

                "You're not really doing this for those reasons so what does it matter?" He diverted.

                "That's why I said it was hypothetical. Now answer my question."

                Calem pinched the bridge of his nose as they walked, failing to see why this was so important. "I suppose it would put a little strain on our relationship."

                "Don't dance around the issue. You and I both know very well that you would hate me. You would call me every obscenity in the book just for turning on the Dalish and acting like humans were better. Especially after everything that's happened in your life. I know for a fact you wouldn't forgive me."

                "But we don't have to worry about that because this is all a fake scenario in your head!" Calem shot back defensively. "What I **_do_** want to know, however, is how you removed your Vallaslin. You never told me, and now we have all this time before we even reach our destination."

                Andra was caught off guard by the sudden change in conversation and she immediately began trying to uncover an escape route.

                "I removed it." Solas said plainly when Andra failed to come up with an excuse, not even turning his head to look at either of his traveling companions that walked at his right.

                "You?" Calem questioned, a fire in his eyes. "Do you know what you've done? Andra can't be fully accepted in her clan now! Everyone was talking about it before we left, some people were even furious at her!"

                "It was her own choice," Solas went on. "I didn't force her into anything. If she feared the reaction of her clan, then she did not show it, or did not care."

                Calem was taken aback and it took him a moment to realize the weight of the older elf's words. Then he stopped walking, and his head swiveled towards Andra, who was now walking in front of him. "You wanted your Vallaslin removed?"

                Andra stopped walking then, hearing the words behind her and just now realizing the absence next to her. She turned around, meeting gold eyes with silver. "Yes." She didn't know what more she could offer him. The look in Calem's gaze was telling her that his resolve was already wavering, that he was looking at her but no longer seeing his childhood friend. This she had feared. Mentally, Andra cursed herself for giving into pressure and allowing the brunet to come along.

                "Why?" Calem's single word rolled off Andra like rain falling onto a leaf, there were many reasons. All of these reasons would push Calem further away from her. But the source of what truly had pushed her to this, was Solas, standing next to her.

                A war waged in Andra's mind. For her desire to know the truth, and also her desire to keep her childhood friend.

                In one swift motion, Andra swung her backpack off her shoulders and dropped it to the space in front of her, kneeling down to look through its contents. It took barely any time at all for her to find what she was looking for, and then her gaze returned to the elf in front of her, still standing a few feet away. She stood, crossing the distance, and picked up Calem's hand, pressing the item into it.

                He felt the familiar softness of the braided leather, though cold since it had not been worn in some time, press into his palm. His heart stuttered, but he dared not let it show.

                "Return to your people, Calem. They need you. "Andra said, looking up into the familiar, comforting, golden eyes of her dear friend. "And I… I'm only hurting you."

                Calem's fingers curled around the leather in his palm once Andra's hands fell away from his. He looked down at his clenched fist, afraid to confirm with his eyes what he already knew in his heart.

                She had given him her half of the _Ara'lin'hasal_.

                "What's going on, Andra?" He finally asked, after prying his eyes away from his hand. The blonde girl felt sorrow tug at her heart as she saw Calem's usually cheery mask, which had been present even when he had been mad at her, had been shattered. He was now looking at her with pain.

                "I'm not who you think I am." The words fell from her lips before she even had time to consider them. Though, she knew they rang with truth, even if she didn't fully understand why yet.

                "What does that even mean?" His voice was cracking. Andra recognized that he was on the verge of shouting and she didn't know if she could handle that from him.

                "I'm not sure, myself…" She admitted, taking a hesitant step backwards to put a bit of space between them.

                He exhaled sharply, exasperated, and ran his free hand through his brown hair. He looked unruly now, confused, and the story he had told her as kids, about how _shems_ had murdered his parents, came rushing back to her at the sight. He had the same look in his eyes. He wasn't the man she knew he had grown up to be, he was the little boy who had cried on her shoulder and cuddled her until he fell asleep because the horrible memories had sprouted in a nightmare. She was another person that was walking out of his life.

                Andra shoved the memory down, needing to steel herself so that she could prevent further pain from inflicting him. Even if this hurt, it was better in the long run.

                "This is what you want?" His soft voice cut through the thick tension. Andra found herself now staring into watery, golden depths.

                "It's what's best."

                Calem's gaze slid away from hers briefly, sliding over to the bald elf that stood several paces behind Andra, before returning back to the blonde in front of him. As he looked upon her bare face, and also took note of Solas' too, he realized what a stark contrast he was with his own Vallaslin. He didn't fit in. There was something more going on that he wasn't grasping, that he didn't understand, but it was pointless to ask for his own answers. His yellow gaze clouded over as he shut his emotions in. He wouldn't break down in front of Solas. Mostly, though, he knew Andra was trying to save him--and while he didn't quite get why, he would let her do so. She had been right, however, he was being selfish by staying away from his clan for so long. He had left at a crucial time, and come all this way for nothing, it seemed.

                In truth, Calem had hoped that nothing had changed between them. He had hoped he could have talked Sathari into letting Andra return with him. He had wanted Andra at his side always. But he realized how foolish that all was now. She was right, too much time had passed. Her life had taken a radical change. His life had remained the same.

                "Okay." He finally said, stuffing the bracelet he held into his pocket.

                Andra flinched at his dead tone, " _Ir abelas…_ "

                " _Mya mar lath'in_."

                She was surprised at his words, but she accepted them all the same. Though her voice escaped her, she managed to nod. Calem returned the gesture before casting one last icy look at Solas and then turning to his side and began his long trek back to his clan.

                What worried him most, was that he would now have to tell his friend--who had pushed him to make this journey--that the whole thing had turned out to be nigh fruitless. But there had been a bright aspect of it, as well. He had gotten to see Andra, if even only for the last time; this made it all worth it. He could remember her as she was now, instead of only knowing her as she had been when they were kids.

                " _Eman solas i'mar eol._ " Solas looked softly upon the blonde girl as she picked up her backpack and moved back to his side. " _Thu ane?"_

She stared at her feet, afraid to look up at his face and break down, " _Teleolasan_."

                " _Re num'rahn… y, tel'telisa. Ele saron i'ra_."

                Slowly, Andra looked up at him, meeting the understanding oceans of his eyes, " _Ma sarannas, Haren._ " She forced a smile as she composed herself.

                Solas laughed lightly at her jab before touching her elbow gently, "Come, let us be off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Ara'lin'hasal: "Lover's Knot" (There are always two halves to this bracelet, usually shared between two people that deeply care for each other--as the name implies.  
> Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"  
> Mya mar lath'in: "Follow your heart"  
> Eman solas i'mar eol: "I am proud of you"  
> Thu ane?: "How are you?"  
> Teleolasan: "I don't know"  
> Re num'rahn... y, tel'telisa. Ele saron i'ra: "It is a pity... but, don't worry. We are in this together."  
> Ma sarannas: "Thank you / My thanks"  
> Haren: Elder


	12. Freedom

                Whatever Andra had been expecting, this was not it.

                It had been a long, couple of weeks on the road. Traveling from the Free Marches, all the way to the Dales--east of Ferelden. Then even more south until they reached the Wilds, which had been immensely quiet as she and Solas had passed through them.

                A part of Andra expected to see Red Templars jumping out at her, trying to slow her journey down--but there was nothing. Corypheus was dead and all of Theadas was enjoying a time of peace. At least, that's what it appeared like on the surface. There were still dangers about. The Deep Roads were no doubt still plagued with darkspawn they would never be rid of, there were still criminals and bandits on the loose, and there was still slight tension between the Templars and Mages--although the circumstances were much more bearable and pleasing now. However, most of all, what affected Andra most was that, once they had reached the Temple of Mythal, they had found it empty.

                There was no sign of the elves that once dwelled here, nor was Abelas anywhere to be seen. Andra walked the dark, damp halls in search of any clues. She examined runes, murals, and occasionally found a scrap of paper that the Inquisition had not taken but the parchments held only histories she was not searching for.

                Andra reached the empty bowl that once had been the Well of Sorrows, taken by the Inquisitor. She sat on one of the steps that led down into its bottom and rested her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands.

                Never had she felt more frustrated than she did now. Even all the fighting that had gone on with her and Solas did not compare. She felt teased and cheated, like dangling a piece of meat in front of a wolf but never giving it to them. The Keeper's words burned into her mind, but now she had no way of proving their validity.

                Solas sat next to her, staring at the vertical length of his staff as he twisted it in his hands. "It seems we have come all this way for nothing."

                Andra's fingers curled into her hair as she pressed her face harder into her palms, recoiling from the truth of her situation. She felt as though her entire world was crumbling around her. Finding out that the Ashihari had lived in the Dales, where they had whisked her away from the Arbor Wilds, then moved up to the Free Marches--and everything that that implied--it was all too much for her to handle all at once. And here, at the Temple of Mythal, where she had sought answers, she found none.

                " _Ane rahn'sasha tel'varem eman in min tiralas_ …" Andra's words were muffled by her hands but Solas heard them all the same.

                He smiled at her admission, "If you want," he began confidently, "I know where to find what you're looking for."

                Andra's head lifted then, and she stared expectantly into Solas' blue eyes. "What do you mean?"

                His soft smile turned into a smirk, then. " _Vira i've'an min'nydha, adys vhella na tamahn_."

                "Do you mean the Fade?" Andra questioned, a bit uncertain. "I'm no mage, Solas, I don't know how to control my dreams."

                "That is not what I meant." He stated plainly, standing and offering her his hand to help her up. Andra hesitantly took it and he pulled her to her feet. "Let us set up camp here. It's late and we both need our rest."

                Andra was left confused as she followed Solas back into the heart of the Temple, where they settled into one of the rooms that Abelas and the rest of the elves had preserved--and the Inquisitor had used to sneak around all of the fighting to reach the Well of Sorrows more quickly. To her side, a mural winked at her as it bathed in the warm glow of a torch that Solas had lit. She found herself enthralled by the golden sight of a wolf, the artistic depiction of Fen'Harel.

                "I always wonder if he regrets locking the other gods away, loneliness can be awfully crippling." Andra said softly, prying her gaze away with some difficulty. Solas eyed her curiously but said nothing. A strange emotion passed over his features, though Andra was not quick enough to realize what it had been. Then, Solas' usual mask fell back in place. He was calm, collected, and utterly sure of himself once more.

                Night had descended upon them. Outside of their little room, Andra saw only darkness. It flickered and waved at the edges of the torch's reach, wanting to gain a foothold but unable to. Andra briefly remembered the Lost Temple of Dirthamen, in Orlais, and a slight fear built in her stomach at the thought of demons roaming the halls around her. Solas noticed the discomfort and wary stare of his companion and was quick to reassure her.

                "I doubt that any spirits or demons will trouble us, but I have placed wards around the room just in case. Do not fret, _Da'lath'in_." Andra's face heated at the endearment. It wasn't anything incredibly personal, nor did she believe she was really so emotional, but coming from Solas, it meant everything.

                As they settled down, blankets spread out close to each other to try and keep out the cold of the stone floor from seeping into their bodies, Andra rested on her side and stared at the figure beside her. Solas was lying on his back, staring up that the dark ceiling above them, watching as the torch casted dancing shadows about the room.

                Andra felt the weight of weariness press down upon her. She had not realized how tired she was until just now, with her body laying still and her muscles relaxing. It had been a long journey to reach this place. Both in mind and body, Andra had been taxed, and she now found herself trying to fight away the sleep that threatened to take her. She was afraid of waking up in the morning and finding herself alone, despite knowing that Solas would never abandon her like that. The more she fought it, the weaker she felt herself become. Until she was sitting on the line between waking and dreaming. After a few moments had passed, Andra gave in and shut her eyes, softly whispering " _On nydha, 'Ma'vhen'an'ara_."

                Solas quickly turned his head towards the prone girl at his side, but he noticed she was already asleep. He chuckled to himself, she no doubt did not know what she had just said. Regardless, the endearment warmed his heart.

                Turning to his own side, facing Andra, Solas let his eyes slide over the features of her face. She truly was more beautiful without the crude markings of the Vallaslin. Tenderly, he reached out a hand and tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind her pointed ears. " _Son era, Arasha_." Then he, too, closed his eyes and allowed sleep to spirit him away.

 

* * *

 

                The Fade swam with a hazy vision of the Temple of Mythal. Andra found herself dreaming of the last time she had been here, with the Inquisition. She watched as Corypheus died and then resurrected himself. The Inquisitor, Morrigan, and the rest of the traveling party watched on in horror before running away, barely escaping behind the large, magical doors as they shut them.

                And then Andra was alone, staring at the first puzzle that allowed access into the Temple. She gazed down at the intricate designs of the squares, watching as--when she stepped on them--they glowed a brilliant blue and hummed beneath her feet. She walked her way around the small platform until all the squares were lit and then died with a sharp, musical note. The great doors at the top of the stairs that led into the rest of the Temple _clicked_ and swung open on their own.

                Andra entered, but was not met with what she expected.

                On the other side of the doors, a strange room that Andra had not seen stretched before her and the air seemed unusually quiet. She then heard the scream of a woman behind her, and turned around to see a female elf running in her direction, bleeding from her middle.

                The elf ran, limping, right past Andra and tumbled down the steps that led into the room. She did not have the strength to pick herself up. Instead, she cried out to the stillness " _Ara da'ean!"_ She repeated this until her voice cracked and eventually she bled out and died.

                Andra could not move her legs, but managed to look over her shoulder to see that there was fighting in the hall at her back. The familiar twang of an arrow shot past her, horizontally, across her line of sight. She head the ringing of swords as they crashed together. In the middle of the hall stood a male elf desperately trying to fight off several human attackers. She recognized none of them.

                The elf was outnumbered and soon grew too weak to ward off the assaults. His sword was knocked from his hands and he clutched at his bleeding arm as a blade fell into his shoulder. A cry of pain rang out and Andra found herself weeping without knowing why.

                The elf collapsed to the ground and the human ran on ahead, unfazed by the murder they just committed. Andra found herself pulling away from the sight, turning her head back in front of her. The strange room was now gone, as was the woman, and instead, Andra was looking at the humans who ran into an ambush of the elves that lived in the Temple. She recognized Abelas as he signaled for the archers to unleash their volley. The small band of human intruders fell helplessly under the onslaught and all perished beneath the arrows. Andra felt a twinge of relief at knowing that these horrible men had not lived to inflict more pain, to murder more people.

                Then the vision of the Temple fell away, and the Arbor Wilds swam in front of her--though Andra could still see the tall ruins looming over the tops of the trees, far in front of her. It was not this that grabbed her attention, though.

                Several paces away, between the trees and moving among the fauna, Andra spotted a young elf, barely a child. The babe was crying quietly behind a bush, nearly hidden from sight. Andra immediately recognized the stark platinum of the child's hair and the brilliant silver of her eyes.

                It was her.

                The vision steadied and the child disappeared as a hand lay itself on Andra's shoulder. She turned to see Solas, standing at her side about a foot behind her. He offered a smile, and she realized that all of this had been a dream, and also that he had entered hers. She smiled back at him and wiped the tears from her eyes, sniffling.

                In Elvhen, he spoke: "I had hoped we would be able to break you in a bit slower… But it seems your own subconscious mind had a will of its own. I'm quite impressed, actually."

                In Elvhen, Andra replied: "What do you mean? And who is ' _we'?"_

                Solas nodded, realizing he was getting a bit ahead of himself. He lowered his hand from her shoulder and pressed gently at the small of her back, urging her to walk with him. She did so, realizing that her legs were no longer paralyzed in place as if they had been made of stone.

                "I didn't mean to take so long, but I was looking for a spirit that knew what you needed to know. I'm surprised that there were so few here, but I suspect that this has something to do with how the Inquisitor took the power from the Well." He began. Eventually, the duo entered a small clearing, and this is where they stopped. Solas gestured to Andra's right and she was met with a captivating blue glow, emanating from a floating form. Despite being startled and having an instinctual fear to back away, Andra remained serene. There was something calming about the spirit, comforting even.

                The being spoke in Elvhen, as well: "It has been a long time since our last meeting, _da'ean_."

                The nickname seemed to strike a chord with Andra, though she knew not why. "We've met before?"

                The spirit's glow grew brighter, briefly, before returning to normal. "A very long time ago. It is no surprise that you do not remember."

                "Was this when I used to live here?" The blonde girl asked cautiously. Her expectations were very low, she expected to be shot down. The spirit would tell her that she never lived her and Andra would learn just how untrustworthy the Ashihari's Keeper's words were.

                But that was not what happened, "It is my fault that you were taken from your refuge, but I knew a life with the Dalish would be safer for you."

                "What do you mean?" Suddenly, Andra found herself unable to contain her questions. She wanted to know everything. In the back of her mind, however, she knew her time was limited. This was the Fade, she was dreaming, and sooner or later she would have to wake up.

                Andra took a deep breath, she knew what she needed to know first. "The visions I saw… A woman who bled out on the stairs--"

                "Your mother," the spirit spoke.

                "She called out a name… _Ara da'ean_."

                "It was her name for you. You were, after all, but a child."

                "And a man, he was cut down in the hall…" She already knew the answer, but she needed it confirmed.

                "Your father."

                "And the humans? What were they doing there?"

                "Intruders are no stranger at the Temple of Mythal," the spirit began, the luminance of its glow pulsing faintly as it spoke. "But these ones had been quite secretive. They snuck in, during the night. Abelas had concluded later that they must have been highly trained for infiltration, but a reason for their presence was never discovered. They killed over a dozen elves that night, your parents included. It was thought that the humans had been trying to capture the Temple, turn it into a safe haven for whatever group they had been a part of. A failed mission when they entered Abelas' ambush, though a few had been allowed to escape to spread word to stay away."

                "And you… saved me?" It was a ridiculous notion. Andra saw no way a spirit, one who lived in the Fade no less, could have helped her.

                "I warned you of the danger I saw coming, and guided you in your sleep out into the Wilds, where I knew a Dalish clan was roaming. Had you been awake at the time, your fate would have been much different."

                "You expect me to believe that I sleepwalked out of the Temple and no one saw me?"

                "I am very old, child." The spirit explained. "I have roamed the halls of Mythal's Temple since my existence began and I know them well. You are not the first person I have saved from a premature death."

                Andra pondered this, looking over at Solas who seemed unfazed by this new knowledge. "Did…" she stopped, trying to think of how to put her question into words. "You said…your refuge'. What does that mean?"

                "You did not always live here. I know not of your origin, only that there was a day when you and your family were taking in by the elves that dwelled here. Your parents pleaded to stay. They had nowhere else to go. They had shown respect to Mythal when entering the Temple, and Abelas had taken pity on them. Your stay only lasted a few months before the intruders broke in. Abelas was furious. In the end, however, they concluded you had been killed as well, or at the very least, you had been taken away by one of the humans."

                The spirit then asked, "Did you not notice the look in Abelas' eyes when he saw you again and questioned it?"

                "He never mentioned anything…" Andra's voice was quiet as a faint resentment welled inside her.

                "There were more pressing concerns. The Rift, Corypheus, the Well of Sorrows."

                Andra sat down in the grass, tugging at the green blades. This was all more than she could have ever hoped for. She stared hard at the ground as she saw the familiar sway begin to return to the Fade.

                "I am so pleased to know that you are safe." The spirit said, breaking the silence. "And even more so that we got to meet again."

                Andra looked up, but the spirit was gone. Only Solas remained. He looked down at her, an understanding in his eyes, but said nothing. It was a comforting quietness, and Andra just basked in the closeness of her dear companion. She was happy he had agreed to come with her. She was happy that it was him and not Calem. Her old friend would not have understood, and worse, he would have made a huge deal out of it all. Andra didn't need that right now, she just needed… Solas.

                "Thank you…" She whispered. And then the Fade began turning even more hazy, the vision of the Arbor Wilds swaying like a tree as she began to wake. " _Ma ny lasal revas su em._ "

                Solas smiled at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Ane rahn'sasha tel'varem eman in min tiralas: "You are all I have left in this world."  
> Vira i've'an min'nydha, adys vhella na tamahn: "Walk the beyond tonight, I shall meet you there."  
> Da'lath'in: "Little heart" (An endearment used to describe someone who is emotional, carries their heart on their sleeve, is very empathetic, or very sympathetic to the plights of others. Typically used to describe a young person, but can be used for people of all ages if they fit the description.)  
> On nydha, 'Ma'vhen'an'ara: "Good night, my heart's desire"  
> Son era, Arasha: "Sleep well/Dream well, my happiness."  
> Ara da'ean: "My little bird"  
> Da'ean: "Little bird"  
> Ma ny lasal revas su em: "You have given freedom to me."


	13. Comfort

                " _On dhea_ ," a warm voice said as Andra's eyes slowly opened. Being so deep in the temple, she was not greeted with sunlight, but rather the warm glow of a lit torch. To her side, Solas sat, stoking a fire and cooking a small meal for the two of them. Briefly, she wondered if it was okay for him to do that, here in the Temple, but she pushed the thought from her mind.

                She sat up, stretching out her stiff muscles from sleeping on the floor, then scooted closer to the fire next to Solas. Though it was spring outside, the chills of winter still swam through the temple, biting at all living things.

                "Sleep well?" Solas asked, never looking up at her face.

                Andra studied him for a moment, watching as the flames washed over his features, casting him in a warm glow. Something was different now. Andra felt as if everything in her life finally made just a little bit more sense. "I slept alright," she said as she hugged her knees to her chest, staring at the mural of Fen'Harel over the fire on the opposite wall. "Thank you." She had said it so quietly that she was unsure if he had heard her, but her doubt was dashed when she saw a smile touch at the corners of his mouth.

                He handed her a bowl of soup that smelled divine, despite their small provisions. Andra took it gratefully, reveling in the warmth that seeped into her hands. She crossed her legs in front of her as she took her first taste. The potage trickled down her throat, igniting her body until she could feel the heat in all of her extremities, pushing out the cold that had nipped at her.

                "I wonder," Andra began, staring at the thick liquid in her bowl as she stirred it with her spoon, "if I'll ever know who my parents really were… Or if I'll ever find anything out about where they came from. There are not a lot of… individual elves anymore." She took another bite to settle her jostling nerves--there were so many questions that she had, but so very little answers at her fingertips. "I mean, most elves are either Dalish, or live in the cities--those _alienages_ …" She said the last word with such bitterness dripping from her voice. Never could Andra understand why anyone would want to live in such squalor, such abuse.

                "You very well may find out everything you wish to know, one day." Solas said as he settled down himself and began eating from his own bowl.

                "I wouldn't even know where to begin… There are no clues to hint at anything. I'm not even sure what I would really even be looking for. I don't even know what it is I want to know…"

                "How about… you just do whatever makes you the most happy. If that means spending the rest of your life looking for answers, so be it."

                Andra mulled this over as she finished her food. She didn't want to spend her entire life, devoted, to just figuring out her own past. Indeed, she wanted to know it all, but it is just old history at this point. While Andra knew it would make her sad, she could move on if everything just led to dead ends. She wouldn't let this consume her.

                "Being with you makes me happy." She had said it without any thought, a reflex. By the time the words were out, it was too late to reconsider. When realization struck the blonde, as she came out of her daydreaming thoughts, her face immediately flushed and she turned away from the older elf in embarrassment.

                Solas only chuckled at her, feeling both amused by her reaction to her own words, and also warmed by the sweet confession.

                " _Ir abelas_ …" Andra stuttered out, afraid to turn around and face her friend.

                She heard the soft clatter of Solas putting his bowl down first, then, "It was a tame thing you said, and I appreciate it." Andra turned around slowly, cautiously meeting his blue gaze. "Much more tame than what you said to me last night." Confusion then shrouded the girl's eyes, she did not know what he was referring to.

                Solas grinned with amusement, leaning back on his hands as he sat--cross legged--on the floor. There was a knowing in his eyes, something that made Andra feel wary. He appeared to be turning over the idea of whether or not he should tell her what she should already know. They were, her words, after all.

                "What are you talking about?" Andra asked, her embarrassment forgotten. Curiosity piqued.

                He tilted his head at her. His smirk consumed his face but there was a softness in his blue eyes as he looked upon his companion. "I believe it was… _'Ma'vhen'an'ara_."

                Andra's cheeks flared at the Elvhen word and she quickly turned around once more, sitting with her back to him. "There's no way I said that to you." She said, trying to convince herself mostly.

                "You were tired, you said it when you told me good night, yesterday."

                "I-I…" she shook her head vigorously, taking a deep breath to quell her shaky voice, "Obviously I was delirious with sleep."

                Solas sat forward now, all his attention devoted to her. "I am not then?" The amusement was still in his voice, but there was something else there now, too, which Andra was unable to discern.

                Without offering an answer, Andra stood and began rolling up her blanket. "We should probably be on our way. I don't think there's anything left for me here." She tucked the blanket into her backpack and then swung the straps onto each shoulder, moving them around a bit so that they wouldn't bite into her collarbone.

                " _Ma nuvenin._ " Solas then followed suit, packing his own things and putting out their fire. He also used a bit of magic to disperse the fire pit, sending the whole thing into the air where it burst into ashes and disappeared as it fell back to the ground--looking as akin to the dust that had already been collecting.

                "Where shall we head to now?"

                For a brief moment, Andra was shocked, "You'll stay with me?"

                "I never had any intention of leaving you alone, from the moment I removed your Vallaslin."

                "But you did leave me."

                "You did not see me around, but I was there." Solas chucked, "We were only apart for barely even a day."

                "I know…" Andra shifted her weight from one foot to another. "I'm just worried that… we'll have another fight, or something similar, and I'll never see you again."

                Solas sighed, "It might have seemed like it, even for myself, but I didn't plan on ever walking out of your life." It was his turn to look slightly uncomfortable with the topic. Never had he been very good at conveying his emotions into the right words.

                He stepped towards the blonde elf, barely a couple inches between them. For what felt like a long moment, blue eyes locked with silver. Solas, eventually, raised a hand and brushed the back of his fingers against Andra's cheek. His smile was soft and his expression gentle. Andra felt as though the world didn't exist when he looked at her like that. In this proximity, she took note of how he smelled--like the forest during rain. it reminded her of the years she had grown up with the Dalish, all those days exploring when she wasn't supposed to. Andra held back the urge to hum as she had the desire to press her body to his, to melt in his arms. His face was so close to hers…

                With a faint hiss, the torch died, and the duo was plunged into a deep darkness. Andra was startled at the sudden loss of sight and Solas quickly moved away from her to light the Veilfire on the other side of the room. He picked up the torch from its mount before turning back to his companion.

                "Well, I guess it's time for us to go."

                Andra nodded but said nothing, her heart was pounding in her chest--a ravenous animal that demanded to be let out. She was slightly thankful for the sudden distraction. She realized she had almost built up the courage to kiss Solas, which no doubt would of ended in him rejecting her. He cared about her, she knew, but it surely was only as deep as any friendship could go. There was no way he harbored any romantic feelings. Never, in all their time knowing each other, had their relationship ever hinted at that direction.

                At least, Andra never noticed if it had.

                "Let's return to the Inquisition." Andra stated after a moment of silence, walking at Solas' side as they made their way out of the Temple.

                "You want to go back? _Ahnsul?"_ Not once did he turn his head to look at her, but Andra was still keenly aware of his closeness.

                "Not to rejoin. With the Breach closed, it's no longer my calling. My heart takes me elsewhere. But I want to clear the air with everyone about you. I… I know they probably gave you a hard time, about our fight, about me leaving…"

                Solas scoffed, and he did turn to look at her this time. "That's putting it mildly. Sera, was the worst of them all. She made my life a living hell."

                Andra seemed to shrink a bit, she knew that Sera's actions were her fault, she had asked for Solas to be humiliated--humbled had been her exact words. Though, while Andra knew she had asked and Sera had agreed, she knew not the nature of the Red Jenny's torture.

                "I'm so sorry…"

                Solas sighed, "I'm sure, in some way, I had it all coming."

                "Most of your problems are my fault, though," Andra said as she turned her head to the side, shying away from that blue gaze. "I…" she stopped, not knowing how to explain herself. "Right after our fight, I left a letter for Sera in her room. I asked her to… I asked…"

                "I know," Solas interrupted. "And thank you for the apology."

                "It was a childish thing to do but--"

                "I had angered you. There was probably a much more tactful way I could have handled things. Though, your stubbornness should be recorded as legendary." He smiled at Andra when she finally looked at him. A laughed escaped her lips at the gibe.

                "I'm just grateful I finally listened to you," She confessed. "Everything I'm finding out about myself, it's all thanks to you. If nothing else, you've opened my eyes to a world that was so much bigger than my little Dalish clan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
>  
> 
> On dhea: "Good morning"  
> Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"  
> 'Ma'vhen'an'ara: "My heart's desire"  
> Ma nuvenin: "As you wish"  
> Ahnsul?: "Why?"


	14. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Two weeks... It was not intentional for me to be on hiatus. I was swamped with art commissions, back to back for over a month, and then I had a very nasty blowout with my roommates the other day over something incredibly petty on their part. Everything is still not peachy, but I found some respite in working on this story. I will do my best to not leave such large gaps in time between chapters being published. Thank you all for understanding, or at least acknowledging that I'm not purposefully trying to torment you by making you wait for the next addition to the story. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter!

                "At least the journey won't be quite as long this time," Solas said with a tight voice. "We're practically on the Inquisition's doorstep already."

                And his words rang true. The Inquisition, which still sat in Skyhold--within the Frostback Mountains--was only a bit northeast of the Arbor Wilds. Instead of traveling for weeks, it would only take them a few days. That is, given they didn't make any precarious detours or travel slowly.

                Andra sensed her companion's hesitation. Several months had passed since either of them had seen their friends, but there had never been any closure. The pranks and gibes that Solas had received were the last things anyone had offered him. No doubt, everyone still harbored ill feelings towards the older elf, having not yet heard that he and Andra were once again on good terms. At this, Andra felt her guilt increase tenfold.

                "We don't have to stay long…" Andra began slowly, "I just… I don't want you to lose the friends you've made just because I was being an idiot."

                The whole of their journey was traveled in silence, mostly. Solas was no doubt trying to devise a way out of returning to Skyhold without hurting Andra in the process but he never came up with a single idea. And Andra just felt it best if she kept her thoughts to herself, to not provoke her companion's wrath.

                There was little difference in the sight of the towering structure built atop the Frostback Mountains. It still loomed with authority and the Inquisition banner still fluttered about proudly in the icy breeze. The most notable difference was, with the threat of Corypheus gone, Leliana and Cassandra were no longer around. Leliana now being Divine, and Cassandra off on a quest to rebuild the Seekers. Though, having known these absences already, Andra had made sure to send out a couple letters to her two friends while she and Solas were on the road and merely waited to learn if they received them or not.

                Walking through the large, open gate of Skyhold, Andra felt washed in nostalgia. She had made so many memories here--good and bad. Everyone was still just as busy as ever. There were still merchant kiosks off to the right, near the stables, which Andra also took note of the animal inside. A nugalope. She always found it amusing that the Inquisitor--one of the most intimidating and influential individuals in all of Theadas--had chosen to keep the strange creature as their steed of choice. Not that it was a bad decision, just an odd one. There was also still the sparring ring, just a few paces from the gate entrance, where two people were currently practicing hand-to-hand as several onlookers watched with interest. To the left, Andra was thankful to see that the medical tents and wounded bodies had been replaced by a couple trees which shaded benches beneath them. However, disregarding all of these things, Andra and Solas made their way for the stone stairs directly in front of them.

                Andra reminisced with herself as she saw all the familiar structures and faces of the people she had shared a cause with. But it was the only available tavern to their left, just as they reached the top of the steps, that had caught the young blonde's interest.

                Walking into the Herald's Rest, Andra's nose was immediately greeted with the strong stench of alcohol and warm bodies, as well as hearing the loud laughter of a patron to her side. She smiled at the merriment, a smile which grew when she saw the conspicuous horns of a Qunari tilting back and forth as they talked with their men.

                "I'm going to go let Josephine know we're here." Solas said, looking uncomfortable.

                Andra turned her head away from the gaiety and looked at her companion. "Are you sure?"

                "Yes. I'd rather make myself scarce until you've cleared the air. Find me later in my old room."

                " _Juosanan vun'aan sule vegaras_." Andra said lightheartedly, mainly as a joke but also because she was afraid of him running off. Solas only chuckled in response, saying nothing. With a nod, he departed from the small tavern and Andra lost sight of him once he was out of the door.

                "Bull!" Andra called out as she made her way over to the Qunari. She saw the horns swivel, and a scarred face beamed at her.

                "Tilly!" He abruptly stood from his seat and met the blonde elf halfway with only a couple long strides, his chair falling and clattering to the floor behind him as he scooped up Andra in a tight hug. "I knew you couldn't stay away!"

                Andra laughed when Iron Bull finally set her back down, taking deep breaths to refill her starved lungs from the crushing embrace. "Well, I'm not back for good."

                Bull motioned for her to join him and his Chargers at their little table, ordering another round of drinks to celebrate their friend's return. Bull shrugged once he sat down, "At least you didn't stay with your clan for good, I knew that wasn't going to work out. It wasn't a good fit for you. Though I'll admit that I almost didn't recognize you without your face tattoos."

                "What do you mean 'it wasn’t a good fit for me'?" Andra asked, completely ignoring the topic of her Vallaslin.

                "You aren't the Dalish-y type." Krem cut in, lifting his glass in a small cheers to the blonde elf.

                Andra smiled knowingly, they didn't know how right they were. "How are things going here with the Inquisition?"

                Bull scoffed and sighed, "Things aren't as gloomy and life threading anymore, but it's still a hell of a mess to clean up."

                "It's nice when you don't have an undead god biting you in the ass, though," Krem added.

                "Or having to worry about crossfire between the Mages and Templars." Another Charger, Dalish, added.

                "I'll drink to that!" Bull then downed the rest of his pint just as Grim, another of his men, came back with more. He only grunted as he handed everyone their fresh drinks.

                "If you're not back for pleasure," Bull went on, "then business?"

                Andra shook her head, "I… I wanted to clear the air." She dug through her mind to find the right words. It all seemed silly now, with her actually being here at Skyhold, and the months that had passed since she'd last seen the her friends. Over half a year, in fact. "I said some cruel things about Solas before I left… and I know for sure that Sera is the main person I need to have this conversation with, but I just wanted to let everyone know that we worked things out. We're not fighting anymore."

                "You came back to the Inquisition for that?" Bull asked in amazement.

                "Well it's just… I know he made friends here. With you guys even, though he probably wouldn't admit it. I don't want him to feel alienated from the few good people in his life just because I was being an idiot."

                Bull was shaking his head, laughing, "You're a strange one, Tilly."

                "Not a lot of people care like you do, though," Krem cut in, "It's nice that you came to fix things."

                "I don't know if anyone really even cares about our fight anymore, but it's important to me to make it right."

                Bull huffed, "Oh no, people still care. Like you said, Sera especially. That one has been lively since you left her that letter, and she was pissed when she came back from a mission one day only to find that Solas was gone. She couldn't even track him down with the help of those Red Jenny friends of hers." The burly Qunari then laid his hand on Andra's shoulder, "You made a lot of friends here too, we all care about your happiness. Even though it's been a while, we still check in." Then he laughed, like he was enjoying some small joke Andra wasn't privy to, "Mainly with Leliana, though. She'd been keeping tabs on you and we would get the Inquisitor to write to her every so often to make sure you were okay."

                Andra raised her eyebrows and laughed as well, "I'm surprised I came here at all then." She took a swig of her drink, sucking back a sharp breath at the hoppy, bitter taste.

                "So did you come here with that pain in the ass?" Bull gibed.

                She nodded, swallowing back another drink.

                Bull patted her on the back, "You better go talk to Sera then. If she gets wind of him being back here…" he tsked, nonchalant about the weight of his words, "guess we're in for a fun night."

               

* * *

 

                In the course of the rest of the day, Andra had managed to tell the remainder of her friends that she and Solas were no longer fighting and that they had worked everything out on their own. Except Sera. Andra had been all over Skyhold, from the gardens to the dungeons, but saw no sign of the elven girl anywhere. Even Cole, who the Inquisitor helped to remain a spirit, had been easier to find than the Red Jenny. So she sulked into the Keep, giving up for the day. No one knew where Sera was, nor had seen her at all. Andra concluded that the mischievous  elf was no doubt out helping _'the little people'_.

                The blonde girl strode a short way down the massive Hall just within the Keep's entrance, and turned right, saying a brief hello to Varric who was pouring over parchments and documents at his table. She entered a large round room with paintings of the Inquisition's feats, and a still unfinished portion as well, about the walls. A single table sat in the center, and Solas within its chair.

                "I almost expected to find this room empty," Andra laughed, but a pang of relief also filled her voice.

                "And where would I go?" Solas asked, his voice smooth as it reached the elvhen girl's ears.

                "Off on some mysterious quest, perhaps?"

                Solas laughed, a throaty sound, which seemed to chime with a knowing that Andra didn't understand. She had clearly said something that brought up a memory for Solas, or several, but it was impossible for her to know what sort they were.

                He stood and crossed the small space of the room to stand in front of her. His blue eyes seemed much more alive and behind them Andra sensed he wanted to say something. She went to open her mouth, to ask him what was on his mind, but a strange sound stopped her dead in her tracks and in the blink of an eye, she was now staring at a startled Solas who was also covered in the remnants of a pie.

                "I heard the last one missed yer head!" A cry rang out against the cold stone of the towering room. Andra and Solas both looked up to see the brief flash of Sera before she turned and ran off.

                Andra returned her gaze to her friend, but the eagerness that had dwelled within his expression was now replaced by rage. His blue eyes burned hot like icy flames and his mouth was set in a thin line as his brow also creased deeply.

                In a blur, Andra watched as Solas turned and his glowing hand shot forth a spell she didn't recognize, which blew a hole in the wall. Luckily, the hole was close to the support of another wall, keeping the large portion of Skyhold from collapsing on itself and causing irreversible damage.

                Several people came rushing into the round room, worry and fear on their faces, which turned to anger and irritation when they noticed there was no threat; just Solas.

                "What in the name of Andraste are you doing?!" Varric asked.

                "You've destroyed this room!" Another cried.

                "Quit you're squabbling," Solas said with a bit in his voice, "It's not like I can't fix it." And he did. Using his magic, as he so often had on his many adventures with the Inquisitor, he pieced the wall back together, barely any harder than the countless bridges he had had to fix so the Inquisition could continue going forward. Some of the rock and been disintegrated, however, so there was a small hole of light that still filtered into the room. Once finished, Solas advised that someone get the architect to fill in the rest. The bald elf then stormed out of the room, wiping his head and flicking pie onto the floor.

                Andra called after her friend but he didn't stop, nor even turned to look at her.

                "Can you keep an eye on him?" Andra asked Varric. "I need to have a talk with Sera. If he leaves Skyhold, I want to know imediately."

                The dwarf sighed and shrugged, "Sure thing. I'll just drop everything I was doing to be your babysitter."               

                Andra shrunk a little, "I'm sorry… If you don't want to--"

                "It's fine, Flowers. Go find that pesky elf."

                Andra smiled and said a quick thank you before running off. The first place she would look is Sera's room in the Herald's Rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Juosanan vun'aan sule vegaras: "I will count the days until you return."


	15. Ablaze

                "You want me to **_what_** _?!"_ Sera paced her room angrily, her arms flailing about as she didn’t know how to process her friend's request.

                "Apologize to Solas." Andra repeated, sterner this time.

                "After everything he's done?!" Sera stopped pacing and faced the elf in front of her. "You asked me to humiliate him, and now you're asking me to stop? Well which is it?! The way I see things, that bastard hurt one of my friends. Everything looks pretty clear to me!"

                Andra rubbed her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose to try and stem off the headache that was sneaking up on her. "We made up, Sera. It **_is_** possible for people to forgive each other, you know?"

                "Why bother when there's a chance they'll do it again?"

                "We can't just shut out everyone that hurts us. Then we'll have no friends, we'll be lonely."

                "Better than a knife in the back--"

                "What you just did to Solas hurt me, Sera! But that doesn't mean I'm going to kick you out of my life. I forgive you, so long as you don't do it again! Or would you rather I follow your advice?"

                Sera seemed taken aback as she processed this. She wasn't used to her words being used against her. At least not by a friend. "No…" She said finally, but stubbornly, "I don't want that."

                Andra nodded, satisfied by the answer, "You'll leave him alone?"

                "That depends on him, doesn't it," she said haughtily.

                Andra sighed, it was as good as she was going to get with the tenacious elf.

                "Now that yer done screamin' in my face, what happened to yours?"

                "What?"

                "The inky stuff. Those stupid elfy tree markings on your skin."

                "My Vallaslin. I had them removed."

                "Didn't even know you could do that. It's good though, innit? All those Dalishy types are all stuck up, kissin' the arses of dead people."

                "They're just trying to keep from losing any more history." Andra knew Sera was right, but the Dalish was still a sore subject for her. It had been her whole life, and now she was coming to term with new knowledge that everything she knew was wrong. Or at least, most of it.

                "But it's all a load of shite. What do those Valla-whatever things even mean?"

                Andra sighed heavily, "The short version: they bring the elvhen people closer to the gods."

                Sera snorted, "Well if you believe that nonsense, why'd you remove yours?"

                "Because I learned that that's not what they mean. They're…  a sign of slavery…"

                Sera busted out laughing, falling back onto her overly decorated couch, "Well serves them right!"

                "Do I have your word that you won't harass Solas anymore?" Andra wanted to move off the sore topic.

                "Sure, whatever," Sera said, the amusement dropping from her face as she turned away from Andra to stare out her window. "You take all the fun away."

                "I'm happy to see you too," Andra grinned.

                Sera waved her hand dismissively, "Go on."

               

* * *

 

                Ideally, Andra should have returned to Varric to find out where Solas was and how he was doing, but she felt drained. She had spent an entire day just trying to clear the air and she finally had been able to have a talk with Sera.

                Now… now there was nothing left to do.

                Her personal quest complete, she had nothing left. No loose ends, no unfinished business.

                Andra walked up the stone steps to reach the ramparts and stared out over the icy expanse, which glowed a brilliant yellow beneath the fiery death of the evening sun. Darkness stretched out, looming behind her, creeping upon the retreating light. Torches began lighting along the walls of Skyhold and the light from the fire within the Herald's Rest spilled out into the courtyard as the moon began its ascent. Boisterous laughter faintly reached the girl's ears, though she barely acknowledged it. A wind caressed her face, biting into her skin with frigid teeth, swimming through her veins until she was shivering.

                She thought about everything that had happened up until now: the fight with Solas; returning to her clan; reuniting with Calem and then breaking his heart; seeing Solas again and removing her Vallaslin; then returning to Skyhold. She felt… barren. Her old life lay behind her, and despite her attachment, she was letting it go. She would move forward, wherever that path might lead her.

                Against her will, Andra's body turned away from her solitude and she began the slow march towards the Keep, where warmth beckoned her. She was also tugged by curiosity, her feet carrying her towards Varric's table, as she desired to know about Solas.

                The blonde elf entered the Keep, and turning to her right, she spotted the dwarf. "Varric--"

                He pointed a thumb behind him, "He's in his room, Flowers."

                " _Ma sarannas._ " She hadn't realized she said it in Elvhen, the cold distracting her from much else, but she was sure he understood.

                Entering the round room, just off the right of the main hall, Andra saw the grumpy face  of her friend, stiffly sat in his chair at his table. He looked up at the sound of footsteps echoing off the walls and his features softened slightly.

                Andra approached but kept quiet, she wasn't sure if saying anything would send him reeling and she didn't want to make anything worse. Instead, she moved towards one of the chairs that sat up against the wall and collapsed in it, pulling her knees to her chest--resting her heels just on the edge of her seat--and reveled in the heat that began consuming her.

                Solas stood quickly, crossing the distance between them, and knelt in front of her. "Are you alright, _Lethallan_?"

                "I'm just cold." Andra forced a smile but her face was still thawing and she was sure it didn't look right. "When did you come back?"

                "A little over an hour ago," He explained as he touched a hand to the blonde's cheek. She was ice beneath his touch. "I figured coming back here would be the best place to find you. I suppose that was only partly true."

                "You were looking for me?"

                "I overheard Sera grumbling with Iron Bull a while ago at the tavern about the talk you had with her. I wondered, with everything sorted out, if you would want to leave?"

                "We've barely been here a day…"

                "And already it's been much longer than I would have liked."

                Andra's eyes fell to her knees, "You didn't have to come with me…"

                "Would you rather have been alone in this journey, left to face the world now that your clan sees you as a traitor? Or perhaps, do you wish I had not removed the markings at all, and you could have remained with your people and that boy?"

                Andra flushed under the mention of Calem, but she shook her head firmly, "No… I don't want any of that. It… it means a lot to me… that you stayed with me. I can't think of a single person I'd rather have at my side." Then her mind caught up with her words and she flushed further under the revelation. In part, she did know the depths of her feelings towards the older elf, but she could never bring herself to say any of it aloud. Especially when she was in the dark about how he felt.

                Solas chuckled, "I'm glad. I feel the same."

                Andra felt her stomach knot as her silver eyes remained locked with blue. The air felt unnaturally tense, and she could feel every pulse of her heartbeat beneath her ribcage. Though slight, she could swear that Solas' face was closer to hers than it had been a moment ago. She was keenly aware of the heat of his breath and the electricity that sent the hairs on her arms standing upright. Her body practically ached in protest at the prodigious space that separated them from melting into each other.

                _"Tuas isalan sura rahnen'telam,"_ Solas said in a low, exasperated voice, but Andra heard the words as if he were shouting.

                _"Ahn?"_

                But her question caused his familiar mask to fall back in place, all the strange emotions that had danced across his eyes were once again hidden. " _Ir abelas,_ " he said as he stood and walked towards the archway that led into the main hall, "I'll fetch you a blanket. It wouldn't do to have you freeze after all the effort it took to get here. _Melena sul em_." And then he was gone.

                Andra fidgeted in her seat, she was hardly cold anymore. The heat from whatever was transpiring within that moment they shared had left her body ablaze. Though she was grateful for the brief moment she now had to clear her head. She needed to sort through her confusing thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
>  
> 
> Ma sarannas: "My thanks."  
> Lethallan: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar. Lethallin is used for males, while lethallan is used for females, but this is not always the case. Akin to "cousin" or "clansman" since "lin" is the word for blood.  
> Tuas isalan sura rahnen'telam: "You make me what to do bad things."  
> Ahn?: "What?"  
> Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"  
> Melena sul em: "Wait for me."


	16. Wicked Grace

                Solas wrapped the thick blanket around Andra's shoulders as she sat in her chair in his round room. The wool was coarse, but she instantly felt warmer as the heat began burning at her finger tips and toes. She hummed with delight and thanked Solas. The elf merely nodded as he walked back to the desk at the center of the room and sat down in his chair.

                Andra fiddled with the hem of her blanket, staring at the woven string as she roamed the halls of her mind. "Thank you for everything…" She had spoken softly, unsure whether he had heard her or not.

                _"Ele saron I'ra."_ He replied smoothly.

                "Even before? When we were always fighting?"

                Solas looked at her, amusement in his blue eyes, "Absolutely."

                Andra smiled, a different kind of warmth filling her heart. _"Nuva te'tel'athir."_

                A soft rap on the wooden frame that Solas used to reach the top of his walls when painting alerted the duo to someone else in the room with them. "I hate to break up this little moment you two are having," Varric started when he had two sets of eyes on him, "but I was wondering if you would want to join some of us for a game of Wicked Grace, Flowers?"

                "I'd love to! Who's all playing?"

                "Josephine, Blackwall, Iron Bull, Sera, Dorian, Cole is even going to give it another try even though he still doesn't understand how to play, and I managed to talk Cullen into another game as well. Oh! And then, obviously, yours truly will be there."

                Andra laughed, "Sounds like quite the party!"

                "You're welcome to join us too, Chuckles?"

                Solas was already shaking his head, "I think not. It's probably best to avoid being in the same room as Sera for a while."

                "Ah, right," Varric nodded, though he didn't seem broken up about it.

                "Too bad Leliana and Cassandra can't join us this time," Andra remarked a bit sadly.

                "I've written them several times but…" Varric shrugged, "duty calls. It wouldn't be proper for the Chantry's New Divine to just drop all her duties for a game of cards—and Cassandra's off rebuilding the Seekers…" He sighed but Andra could see that it was all lighthearted.

                "Well, where to?"

                "The Herald's Rest, of course, where else?"

                Andra turned towards Solas as she stood up from her chair, still gripping the blanket around her shoulders, "I'll be back."

                He waved a hand at her, "By all means, don't let me keep you." He said it calmly and smoothly but Andra picked up on the faintest hint of something else in his voice. His near total control of his emotions, however, kept her from discerning what it was. Her stubbornness might be legendary, but his restraint could be considered on a par.

                Leaving the sanctuary of her warm blanket behind and braving the cold once more, she followed the Dwarf through the keep, outside, and across the courtyard. The tavern was empty for the night, no doubt thanks to Varric, except for a table that sat close to the fireplace. Everyone was already here, it seemed Varric had come for Andra last.

                "There you are! We were wondering if you two were even going to show up!" Iron Bull bellowed.

                "Sorry, sorry!" Varric said as he threw his hand up, "I had to go grab Flowers. She was so busy with all her running around this morning that I never really had a chance to give her the invitation earlier. But we're all here now and that's what matters."

                Once everyone was seated, the cards were dealt and the game began.

                Not once did Cole ever seem to grasp the concept of the game, but he seemed to be having fun regardless; Cullen made doubly sure to keep his bets small and never bite off more than he could chew—no longer was he the cocky ex-Templar challenging Josephine to a constant next round in attempt to redeem himself; Josephine, in question and quite expectedly, still won most of the rounds. Andra began suspecting that the Antivan might be a card mechanic, her luck was unreal.

                "Well, just like last time, it seems I will be leaving with the most riches!" Josephine exclaimed with excitement.

                "Well, at least my pockets aren't quite as empty as last time," Andra sighed in defeat.

                "Speak for yourself," Dorian chimed.

                "Perhaps we're all the real fools here," Blackwall added, "for thinking we could best the Lady Josephine this time around."

                "I've simply had a lot of practice."

                "I don't believe that for a second!" Sera shouted as she stood up on her chair, putting a foot on the table. "You cheated, I know it!"

                "Sera, get down! I did not!"

                "Turn out your pockets!" Sera demanded. "I bet you have spare cards in them!"

                "I will do no such thing!" Josephine countered.

                "Do it! Or I'll put rats in your bed!"

                "Sera!"

                "Whoa, whoa," Varric said as he gestured with both hands for everyone to calm down, "this was a friendly game of cards, I don't want to see anything get ugly."

                "Then tell her to show us her pockets!" Sera continued, refusing to back down.

                "Sit down, Sera." Andra pleaded. The Red Jenny gave her friend a cold look of betrayal, though Andra knew it wasn't anything serious.

                "I've got my eyes on you." Sera said with a drunken glare towards the Antivan across the table as she slowly lowered herself back into her seat. "This isn't over!"

                Josephine laughed, but there was a hint of nervousness in it, as she stood and wished everyone a good night before retreating out of the tavern. "Do you think she really was cheating?" Iron Bull asked, the idea planted and rooted in his mind now.

                "Oh without a doubt," Dorian said confidently. "It's literally impossible for someone to win this many times in a row at a card game when the core mechanic is chance. She should have lost, at the very least, twice as many times as she did."

                _"Vashedan,"_ Bull breathed, slumping a little in his seat. Though, he seemed more upset that he hadn't realized this himself than he did about Josephine actually cheating.

                After a few more brief words and the finishing off of drinks, everyone said their farewells for the night before retiring. The Herald's Rest was left with a comfortable silence in everyone's wake. Once Sera's drunken singing was silenced by her passing out upstairs in her room, that is.

                The only two that had stayed behind had been Varric and Andra. Though, Andra only remained because she had sensed something on her Dwarf friend's mind, something that had to do with her. Or maybe that was just the alcohol talking.

                "Be careful, Flowers." Varric said as he stared at the dying embers of the Tavern's fire.

                "What do you mean?" Andra asked as sat in her chair, pulling up one leg to hug to her chest.

                "With Chuckles," her friend explained. "I know you said you both worked things out, but… he's always done things his way. Even when we were all fighting Corypheus, he only aided the Inquisition because it was also in his best interest."

                "What does that have to do with me?"

                "You guys are friends right now, but I can see it in the way you two look and talk to each other—and you've barely been here a day. I just want you to be careful, I don't want to see you get your heart broken."

                Andra flushed, realizing what it was that Varric was hinting at, but she already was feeling her stubbornness start to kick in. "I can take care of myself."

                "I know you can," Varric agreed, "I just want you to think about all your angles here, and not jump into something blindly."

                Andra dropped her gaze away from the back of the Dwarf and twiddled her thumbs while still holding her leg close to her body. Silence stretched between them as the elf thought over what her friend had said.

                "What happened with your clan?" Varric asked when Andra didn't say anything.

                A sigh erupted from the girl, but Andra explained everything as best as she could. She told Varric about the night Solas removed her Vallaslin, and all the important events that had led up to it; she talked about Calem showing up just to see her; painfully, she talked about how she shoved Calem out of her life to protect him, and then quickly went through the events at the Temple of Mythal while also making sure to skip over the part where she had called Solas _"her heart's desire"._

                "Why didn't you stay with this Calem guy?" Varric asked, he was now facing Andra.

                She shrugged, slowly, "It just… didn't feel right."

                "Well, I'll give you one last piece of advice, Flowers," Varric went on, "If you keep having to push all these people out of your life just so Chuckles sticks around, then it's not right for you." And with that, the Dwarf exited the tavern and returned to the Keep.

                Andra sat in her chair a moment longer, watching until the embers of the fire had died down to a dull glow. She rolled Varric's words over in her mind, but she didn't feel she had anything to worry about. Everything Solas had done for her up until now had helped her. Sure, she was hurting from being alienated from her clan and also losing Calem, but she had chosen this path. She knew what she was getting herself into, it had been clear from the start. But one thing she knew for certain:

                She absolutely wanted Solas in her life.

                It just felt… right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Ele saron i'ra: "We are in this together."  
> Nuva te'tel'athir: "May we never part."
> 
>  
> 
> QUNLAT USED:
> 
> Vashedan: "Crap" (Literally: "refuse" or "trash"); a common profanity among the Qunari.


	17. Favors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So uh, long time no see? Heh... I'm not dead, I swear, and I haven't forgotten about updating this story! Just been hella busy and today is the only free time I've had in the last three months... DON'T THINK I STOPPED CARING ABOUT YOU GUYS, IT'S UNTRUE. BUT PLEASE ALSO GRANT ME FORGIVENESS FOR MY HIATUS SINS. Enjoy this chapter update as a token of my repentance. <3

                "Do you really think this will turn up anything? Even Abelas was hard pressed for any information."

                Andra turned and looked into the blue of Solas' eyes. "I have to try…" she said as she turned back around to gather several papers in her hand, "I have nothing else to go on, no other paths I might follow…" She stopped then, "If my situation was yours, would you not go to every length to find the truth?"

                Solas laid a hand on Andra's shoulder, "I'm not trying to deter you," he said, "only help you realize that this might not uncover anything, and hope can be a fickle thing."

                "I know…" Andra turned around, clutching the papers to her chest, eyes avoiding Solas'. "But if there's even the faintest chance that this will lead me to the secrets of my past, I have to take it right?" She sounded so determined, but also quite unsure as she looked at Solas for reassurance. The older elf looked down at the blonde before him, feeling a new connection. She now had her own drive that pushed her to uncover information. A drive he could relate to. Their end goals were different, but the concepts were akin.

                "I understand," Solas said softly, placing a finger under Andra's chin so their eyes would fully meet. _"Mya mar lath'in."_

                She smiled at him, and for a moment, the world around them was lost. Despite all that had happened up until this point, Andra wondered why she fought so vigorously with Solas. In their first year together, meeting in the Inquisition, they had been at each others' throats yet also somehow great friends at the same time. And now that she was willing to look outside of the small box that was the Dalish point of view, everything seemed much simpler.

                The moment shattered when Varric's words from last night flickered through Andra's mind. She saw nothing wrong with her relationship to Solas, but she also couldn't ignore the wisdom of being cautious. What if Solas was  just using her to pass the time until he left again? She didn't know his plans for the future.

                "I should go give these to the Inquisitor," Andra stated, the tops of her cheeks slightly pink.

                She then rushed out of the room before he had a chance to say anything.

 

* * *

 

                "There's not much to go on, here…" The Inquisitor said a bit apologetically, as if already stating that it was a lost cause.

                "I know…" Andra breathed, running her fingers through her long blonde hair, "but I don't have anything else."

                The Inquisitor cast Andra one more look before returning to scan over the papers the girl had handed over. More loose notes than anything. Andra was asking for Inquisition scouts to look for any information on Ancient Elves; recent information on the Temple of Mythal, recent being the last twenty years or so; or possibly any knowledge, rumor, or gossip about an elvhen family that lost a child that might be around Andra's age now.

                With a sigh, the Inquisitor dropped the pages onto their desk before looking towards one of the open windows that led to one of the two balconies the room possessed.  The clear day was pouring in, the sunlight casting geometric shapes on the floor, and a fresh breeze lazily weaved its way about.

                "I can't promise you anything, you haven't given me much to go on…"

                Andra twiddled her thumbs. "I know…"

                The Inquisitor then turned back to their desk and quickly scribbled something on a loose piece of parchment before handing it and Andra's own papers back to her. "Give these to Cullen, he'll do what he can. And I'll talk to Josephine about getting in touch with Leliana--oops, I mean **_Divine Victoria_** ," the Inquisitor laughed, it was still strange to say. "Maybe our Lady Nightingale can dig up some answers we can't."

                Andra smiled, a small ray of hope latching on to her, "Thank you!"

                The Inquisitor smiled back but held up a hand, "Don't thank me yet."

 

* * *

 

                "How fared your meeting?" Solas inquired once Andra had returned to his old round room.

                "Better than I expected, actually." The blonde elf plopped down in an armchair that sat against the wall and tugged one leg up to hold against her chest, the heel of her foot resting on the edge of her seat. "Cullen is going to inform his scouts to keep an ear to the ground for me while they're out on missions, and Josephine is going to try to get a message to Leliana to help as well."

                Solas sat at his desk now, "I suppose it's pointless to think that the new Divine will ever give up being a Spymaster."

                "It's what she knows best."

                "Indeed."

                A comfortable silence fell about the room. Andra found herself becoming more aware of the bustling of everyone around them, but more importantly, she finally had a moment to allow her mind to catch up to the present.

                In the silence, she thought of her clan.

                And also of Calem.

                Andra hoped dearly that he could forgive her one day, that he might see the bigger picture and actually understand it. She hoped that they might still be friends, though she would understand if their paths had separated irrevocably. All she wanted for Calem was for him to be happy, but without her. The path Andra walked would hurt him the most, and she would avoid giving him any pain so long as she could help it.

                _"Shifa, Shifa, ahnsul ane tas felas?"_ Andra said absently, her mind far away.

                Solas chuckled, _"Ahnsul, Da'len, eman tel'an telas."_

                That snapped her out of it.

                _"Ahn?"_ She asked, then realized she was speaking Elvhen. "What?"

                "You asked me a question."

                "I did?"

                "A very childlike one." He chuckled again, his amusement reaching all the way to his blue eyes.

                Realization dawned on her, but instead of laughing with him, Andra's silver eyes filled with curiosity. "You know… I don't remember where I first heard that. Yet it seems so familiar."

                "I believe it's a popular child's passage among the Dalish."

                Andra thought on it for a moment longer but then shook her head. "I don't ever remember anyone in my clan telling it to me…" In the end, she gave up thinking about it, it wasn't anything important anyway.

                "So tell me," Andra began, "what are your plans now?" She said it lightheartedly, but the question made her feel anything but.

                He thought on it for an excruciatingly long moment before he answered. "I suppose I could begin wandering again. There's still a sea of lost Elvhen knowledge waiting to be recovered," he said, picking his words carefully as he gauged Andra's reaction.

                 Her eyes fell as Solas finished speaking. "Would it be selfish of me if I asked you to stay?"

                "With the Inquisition?" He knew it wasn't what she was asking but he wanted her to say it.

                "N-no…" Andra suddenly felt very shy and her face flushed slightly. "I mean… stay here… with me?"

                She could have stared into the depths of Solas' eyes for an eternity but still would never understand the emotions she now saw dancing within them, and the longer he waited to respond, the more she regretted saying anything.

                "I don't mean that romantically or anything," she hurried, rubbing at her neck, too much time having passed, "just that… we're friends, you know, and I… I enjoy being around you. You're good company, sometimes."

                Solas couldn't hold back his laugh, _"Te'telisa,_ I wasn't actually planning on going anywhere anytime soon."

                Without realizing she was holding it, Andra released her breath, visibly relieved. "So you'll stick around?"

                "For now," he smirked, a knowing in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Mya mar lath'in: "Follow your heart."  
> Shifa, Shifa, ahnsul ane tas felas?: "Turtle, Turtle, why are you so slow?."  
> Ahnsul. da'len, eman tel'an telas.: "Because, child, I have no place to be."  
> Ahn?: "What?"  
> Te'telisa: "Do not worry."


	18. Giving In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A one month hiatus is better than three, right? Hopefully this chapter makes up for the long wait.   ;)

  
  
        “So tell me,” Andra began, leaning over the parapet as she and Solas stood atop the walls that surrounded Skyhold, “what's the most interesting place you've ever been?” She was making small talk, just trying to pass the time while she waited for word on any news from the Inquisition. The suspense was killing her slowly, she desperately needed a distraction.

        Solas chuckled, “Every place I've been has been equally interesting. I could tell you stories of great battles, tragic romances, seemingly unnatural coincidences...” he trailed off, not wanting to get too carried away. “I suppose... a more appropriate question would be what do you want to hear about?”

        Andra shifted her weight to one of her feet, leaning more heavily on that side, and stared out at the icy mountains that framed their second week back at the headquarters of the Inquisition. “Tell me about a great battle.”

        “Do you want the most recent one?”

        “You mean the battle with the Archdemon?”

        “I could tell you about that, but I'm sure you've already heard the stories.”

        “They get more elaborate every time,” Andra mused.

        Solas laughed. The great battle led by the Hero of Ferelden had unreasonably turned from an unheard of union between humans, elves, and dwarves against a singular cause--the Blight--to something much more embellished. Now it was almost believed that the Hero of Ferelden slew the entire darkspawn horde single-handedly and even defeated the Archdemon alone. “But I meant just a little further back. Have you heard about the betrayal of King Cailan?”

        “I have, but only when I joined the Inquisition. My clan–“ she paused, realizing then that the Ashihari wasn't really _her_ _clan_ any longer, “–they never told me anything. So long as they could help it, they kept out of the affairs of the outside world. No one wanted to get involved, wanted to hear what was happening. If it wasn't affecting us– _them_ , it didn't exist.”

        Solas saw then, and realized, Andra had accepted a bigger point of view _–his_ point of view–but her heart still tried to tug her towards the Dalish. He felt for her, but didn't know what to say without sounding cross. So he decided to keep quiet about the subject.

        “Did you learn the whole story from the Inquisition?” he asked instead.

        “I believe so. They talked about the King of Ferelden joining with the Grey Wardens to take on the Fifth Blight, even though there was no sign of the Archdemon in the beginning and Cailan didn't believe the whole thing was really what everyone was saying it was. And when the final stand was meant to happen, the King's adviser Loghain decided to retreat, leaving everyone to be slaughtered.”

        Solas chuckled, “Yes, that's more or less what happened.”

        “I think Loghain was a coward.”

        “So does the rest of Theadas.”

        “He should have stayed, kept his promise.”

        “He did what he thought was best for his men.”

        “But–“ Andra hissed, feeling very passionate about an event she didn't even see take place, nor was present to witness, “He left his own king to _**die.**_ His son-in-law, no less!”

        “If he had joined in as agreed, then all those men would have perished as well.”

        “No one can know that for certain. It could have been the extra hand they needed to turn the tide of the battle. Perhaps it even could have saved that small village...” Andra thought on the name but couldn't place it.

        “Lothering.”

        “Yes, that.”

        “You also can't know if it would have.”

        Andra sighed, standing up straight, pushing herself away from the parapet.

        Solas turned to fully face her, no longer looking out at the chilly view, “what's done is done, though. No one can change the past and it's useless to argue about what-ifs.”

        “You're right, and it's been a while since it all happened. Over a decade ago...”

        “There has been much that has happened since then.”

        “But some of it has been good,” Andra turned to face Solas now. “Meeting you, for instance.”

        The slightest flicker of surprise danced through those blue eyes but were then replaced with a warmth as Solas smiled. “It wasn't so long ago that you hated me.”

        “Never,” Andra said quickly. “We fought, more than anything else, but... I treasured you as a friend, always. I still do.”

        Solas shifted uncomfortably under Andra's words, “There were times that your stubbornness infuriated me. You were so rooted in what you believed.”

        “You are the same way.”

        “Indeed. But I was already privy to knowledge that made what you believed–at the time–a falsehood.”

        “But not to anyone else.”

        Solas saw the conversation going down the same slippery slope as before and his mind immediately sought an escape. “I don't want to fight about this anymore.”

        Andra's expression became one of embarrassment, “Oh... I wasn't trying to start an argument... I just meant that, the same as what you taught me: you should always keep your mind open. You were the only one that challenged me at the time. What if one day you meet someone that knows more than you do about something and they challenge you the same way? Then they'll think you're the dumb one and you'll be just as stubborn as I was.” She was grinning as she chided him.

        “Since when did you become so enlightened?”

        “When I decided to take a leap of faith and trust you.”

        Solas stared into the silver of Andra's eyes with amazement. Something must have been in the air, she was acting so... daring. Not that it was unwelcome, just unexpected.

        He realized then what it was that had initially drawn him to her when they had both first joined the Inquisition. Never had there been a time when this blonde, beautiful elf before him had had any reservations on speaking her mind. She was open, she challenged him, she made him care about things he wouldn't normally care about. Most importantly, she made him care for her as he had never cared for another. She was magnetizing.

_“Ve'veras emma syl.”_ It was a quiet confession; Andra wasn't even sure she had heard it but Solas' lips had moved with the words and she knew it was no trickery of the wind, or her mind.

_“Sal'dirtha,”_ Andra replied, fixated completely on the older elf before her.

        Solas moved forward, closing the space that was between them. Andra felt the heat that rolled off his body and took in the smell that caressed her: like a forest after it rains. He reached out and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek and Andra reveled in the softness of his touch. His confidence unnerved her but also filled her with excitement.

_“Fenedhis.”_

        Andra's breathing hitched and she flushed under that blue gaze. _“Ahn?”_

        “I wish I understood why it is that I'm so chained to you, why you enthrall me so completely.” It felt more like Solas was talking to himself but Andra still clung to his every word. “Tell me that I am the only one that feels this way.” He stared into the silver depths of her eyes, getting lost in an ocean of chrome as he awaited her answer.

        “No...” Andra breathed, her lips slightly parted, the apples of her cheeks red, “I feel the same.”

        Solas groaned, his resolve weakening even further.

        All thought Andra might have had about Varric's warning was forgotten, she wanted this.

        “This is unwise,” Solas said as a final deterrent.

_“Ar nuvena ma.”_

        There was no moment to breathe after Andra finished speaking. Solas wrapped an arm around her waist, his palm firmly on the small of her back, pressing her into him. His other hand reached out for the parapet as he backed Andra against it.

        Then they melted into each other as their lips met.

        Andra reveled in the feeling, no longer even slightly cold as a new heat filled her. Solas' lips were soft as she tasted them, and she couldn't help wrapping a hand around the back of his neck to deepen their embrace.

        Their tongues danced together and each exhale of breath was a moan of pleasure. Skyhold was forgotten, everyone that dwelled below in the courtyard was forgotten. Nothing mattered anymore except this moment.

        When finally they pulled apart, the duo was all breathy and flushed. Andra found herself uncontrollably smiling. A laughed escaped her rosy lips as she realized what she had been trying to avoid all this time was her feelings for the older elf that now held her in his arms. Her stubbornness, especially after their last fight all those months ago, kept her from admitting how she really felt. And from the look in his eyes, she realized Solas had been exercising some restraint as well.

        But none of that mattered now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:  
> Ve'veras emma syl: "You take my breath away."  
> Sal'dirtha: "Repeat that."  
> Fenedhis: Literally-"Wolf dick", but it's used as a universal curse. Such as, when you stub your toe and you cry out "fuck!/shit!" or when something crazy happens and you're just like "shit...". The term is also in relation to Fen'harel (the Dread Wolf), so it can be akin to saying "goddammit" as well, sort of like using a deity's name in vain.  
> Ahn?: "What?"  
> Ar novena ma: "I want/need you."


	19. Mischief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Whaaaat? Another chapter the next day? I spoil you guys. ;) Enjoy!

        Vaguely, Andra realized she was dreaming, that this was the Fade. However, her untrained, non-mage mind kept tying to pull her back into the illusion. What Andra was experiencing danced between her childhood home among the Dalish Ashihari and the desolate dark rock and raw lyrium veins of the real 'dreamworld'.

        “There you are!”

        Andra whipped around just in time to see Calem. He closed the space between them and picked her up around the waist, spinning her wildly.

        “I was beginning to think that you wouldn't show.” Calem then set her down. “I've prepared us a picnic, I made sure to bring your favorite foods.”

        Andra trotted behind her childhood friend, a little confused. Trailing behind her, Andra's long blonde hair flowed weightlessly, looking quite like it was underwater. “What are you doing here?”

        “Ha! Don't be silly. We've been planning this for weeks. It's so hard to find a moment to ourselves where we can be alone. But I must say...” Calem stopped walking then and turned around, Andra nearly ran into him with the suddenness of it. “When were you going to tell me of your betrayal?”

        “What?”

        “How could you let that _shhhhem_ turn you from your own people?” Calem hissed, his golden eyes looking slightly deeper set in their sockets than normal as he fixed Andra with an unblinking gaze. “You gave up everything for someone you barely know.”

        “Calem–“

        “I've been here always, Andra, but you cast me aside despite that! Do you really trust _his_ word over the words of your own kin?”

        “It's not that–“

        “I should have known better that to love you!” He was a towering figure over her now, and the beauty of the forest fell away to crumbling, floating islands and a dark sky. “I should have known better than to see you as someone special!” The taller Calem got, the deeper his voice fell. “You're nothing but a _**TRAITOR**_ _!”_

        Andra turned from the horrific sight, closing her eyes and cupping her hands around her ears. She desperately tried to shut out the screeching of the monster behind her, crying also as its words stung her.

        When finally she cracked her eyes open, only peeking at what her sight might behold, she saw and endless expanse of black rock and dust stretched before her, dotted with rotting ruins. Among the closest ruin, she saw a wisp of yellow. It _waved_ at her, beckoning her closer, and too afraid to stay put with a monster at her back, Andra ran towards it.

        The wisp guided her through a labyrinth of crumbling stone, all the while the screeching of _'Calem'_ following behind them. It felt like an eternity had passed before they stopped and Andra found herself staring out at the true form of the Fade with a murky lake of impenetrable depth at her feet. The thick waters licked at the horizon but Andra was more focused on the glowing yellow beside her.

        She could see now that it had a slight shape, almost like a person but just barely. There were no distinct features and the bottom half of its _'body'_ was nothing more than a shimmering gold mist; Andra realized she was looking at a spirit.

        “What are–“

        The spirit spoke in Elvhen, it's voice was smooth and playful: “I am mischief. And you are the lost elf girl who likes to dance with wolves.”

        In Elvhen, Andra replied: “Dance with wolves?”

        “Ah, she does not yet know.”

        “Know what?”

        “It doesn't matter. What does is that I know what you want to know.”

        “Can you please stop speaking in riddles?”

        “You want to know of your past?”

        Andra's eyes widened, “Do you have answers?”

        “I might.”

        “Please, anything you know, tell me!”

        The spirit seemed to be amused, almost laughing at her. Every time it spoke, the gold of its aura flickered. “I can't do that.” If ethereal beings could smile, Mischief would have been doing just that.

        Andra was taken aback, “But you just said...”

        “I never said I would tell you anything, I just said I know things. Besides, you need to prove yourself first. I can't just reward you for nothing.”

        “Nothing?” Andra suddenly felt very irritated, “I've spent my entire life in the dark, and I'm still in the dark. I've suffered long enough!”

        Mischief seemed to scoff, “You were raised by people that loved you and gave you everything you need, you left them to join the Inquisition _**and lived**_ , and now you have the leisure to go around asking your friends to forgive another friend for an unimportant fight you had almost a year ago. Am I keeping up.”

        Rounded up like that, the spirit made her appear very childish and ungrateful, but Andra was anything but. “What do you want from me?”

        “That's better!” Mischief began circling Andra wildly before it flew out over the dark lake, “Give me a moment to think on your first quest.”

        “First?” Andra was overwhelmed, “How many quest do I have to do?”

        “I'm not sure yet. I'll figure it out along the way.”

        Andra suddenly wasn't so sure if this was the right way to learn about her past. This spirit could send her on fool's errands, or even worse, it didn't actually know anything about her and was just making it up in order to get her to do its bidding. There was nothing wrong with just waiting on the Inquisition to uncover something, right? That was definitely happen eventually, wouldn't it? But if it didn't...

        Andra sighed, she hated having to rely on something that could very well be unreliable.

        “How do I know you're telling the truth? That you really know about my past.”

        “You don't,” Mischief spoke, flying back over next to Andra, “you'll just have to trust me.”

        “You're asking me to trust a spirit of Mischief?” Andra scoffed, it was absurd.

        “I tell you what: do this first quest, for yourself if nothing less as I have no doubt what I'll be sending you to seek will become very important to you, and decide for yourself afterwards if you want to trust me or not.”

        Andra was skeptical but hesitantly agreed in the end.

        “A little bit north-west of Antiva, a rune rots on the remains of what was once Arlathan. Recover it and return to Skyhold, I will wait for you here.”

        “You want me to go all the way to Arlathan?!”

        “It's not so far.”

        “I'd have to cross the Waking Sea, or travel around it through Orlais, and then Nevarra and Tevinter still stands between me and my destination! You're insane!”

        “It's worth the trip!”

        “And even if I manage to get there–without getting killed, mind you–how would I even begin to look for the remains of Arlathan? The forest it lies in is huge! And it's been centuries since anyone has ever seen it... Arlathan fell just barely after the Tevinter Imperium was founded, back during the Chantry's _'Ancient_ Age'.”

        “It's smaller than the Brecilian Forest–or they're at least the same size–and much smaller than the Free Marches, which you did just fine navigating.”

        “I also lived there my entire life!”

        “Do it or do not, I don't care.” Mischief then began floating away out over the lake once more.

        “Wait!”

        “When I heard you were hard-headed, I didn't realize how much!”

        The Fade then began swimming; side to side it swayed. Andra watched on as the grim landscaped turned into the lush green of the Arbor Wilds, but she forced away the comfort of the illusion.

        Everything faded to black, and Andra opened her eyes to be met with the very welcome, but also concerned, blue eyes of Solas as he helped her sit up on her bed–in a bedroom that overlooked the Skyhold garden, which Josephine insisted that Andra use while she stayed with the Inquisition. More importantly, it was also because Josephine worried about Andra's relationship with Solas–as Varric had voiced his concerns to her as well–and didn't think it wise for the two of them to share a room.

        “Solas?”

_“Ver ra elvyr,”_ he said softly, _“ma emem telam somniar.”_

        “I'm alright,” Andra replied with a drowsy smile.

        Solas sat on the edge of Andra's bed and he brushed the back on his hand against her face, “What were you dreaming of, I wonder?”

        Andra's smile faded slightly as she thought of her dream. Not her meeting with the spirit but the one with her childhood friend. “I... had a dream about Calem.” Solas seemed to stiffen but Andra hurried along to explain. “He was friendly at first but then... he turned into a monster. He told me I was a traitor, that I betrayed him and my clan...”

        “Do you believe that?”

        “I don't know,” Andra admitted, “I left so quickly, I didn't explain myself very well, and I know a lot of my people resent me for what I've done.”

        “If you could go back, would you change things?”

        “No!” Andra was surprised with how much she actually believed that. “I wouldn't... I'm happy with the choices I've made. I just... wish I would have said a proper goodbye to everyone.”

        Silence filled the room for several minutes while Andra's mind turned over recent events and she stared down at her lap, twiddling her thumbs. Solas watched her quietly, content. So much had happened, and there was still so much to do.

        Andra perked up, “Oh!” She looked back at Solas, “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

        “I hope it's your decision for us to finally leave this place,” Solas said teasingly, though Andra knew he meant it.

        She laughed nervously, “Yes, actually. But let me start at the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Ver ra elvyr: "Take it easy."  
> Ma emem telam somniar: "You had [a] bad dream."


	20. A Fool's Errand and Sad Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Nine months... Well, on the bright side, I got a new place, I no longer live with shitty roommates--no more drama, no more tiptoeing around eggshells, just peace. I finally feel motivated to write again. So, hopefully, I can start really working on this story and getting it finished. Thank you all for being so patient with me, especially when I don't deserve it. ♥

       As the morning sun rose higher in the frosted sky, blocks of golden rays caressed the length of Andra's room as they filtered through her window, filling it with the warmth of the new day. She explained to Solas, as best as she could anyway, what she remembered of her encounter with the Spirit. It had brought her out of her dream, causing her to be  _'awake'_  in the Fade, and then had told her such promising things...

        All she had to do in order to learn all she needed to know of her past was a couple of quests. It couldn't get any worse or more ridiculous than this first one that Mischief had asked of her.

        “Are you sure it wasn't a dream?”

        Andra saw the skepticism in Solas' eyes but she felt very firm in her belief that it was true. “No, I'm sure it was real. My dreams are always so hazy in my mind when I wake up but I remember this so vividly, as if it was a memory instead.”

        Solas nodded, “I believe you.” He needed no further convincing. In the span of his life, he had no doubt seen instances of this. Where a non-mage had been ' _conscious_ ' in their sleep and had spoken with Spirits. The Inquisitor would be a good example of this except they were physically in the Fade–which didn't entirely count. What intrigued him most, however, was that Andra was explaining that this Spirit had  _ **awoken**_ her. It had  _ **wanted**_  to speak with her. Though as a Spirit of Mischief, nothing good could come of this.

        “What quest did it ask of you?”

        Andra let out a short, breathy laugh of exasperation, “I'm to go to Arlathan and recover some old rune.”

        “Arlathan?” Solas stood, his body language stiff with surprise. “The Elvhen city doesn't exist any longer. Tevinter sank it into the ground. If anything, it's just a pile of rocks, and overrun with the growth of the forest.” If Andra was better at reading Solas' expressions, she might have noticed the fleeting sorrow that passed over his features, or how his voice grew softer as he finished speaking.

        “Yes, but I'm not looking for the lost city, I'm looking for a rune that just happens to be where Arlathan used to be. And I know the general area of where I'm supposed to go...” She mused, “It's just a little north-west of Antiva. All I need to do is find the forest. I'm sure I'll figure something out from there.”

        “Are you seriously considering this?”

        “What else can I do, Solas?” Andra removed the covers from her body and swung her feet over the side of her bed, her soles touching the cold of the wood floor. “I need to know who I am.”

        Andra stood up, her blonde hair in disarray as she sashayed over to her dresser to pull out some clothes–remaining in her nightgown wouldn't do. Then a thought came to her and she turned around to face the older elf who still stood silently behind her, obviously deep in thought.

        “Why were you in my room when I woke up?”

        Solas stopped burning a hole in the ground with his gaze to look at the curious expression of his companion. “I just arrived a few minutes before you woke up. You left my mind reeling after yesterday; I wanted to see you.”

        Andra blushed and quickly turned back around, “It was just one kiss.”

        “Yes, but it was also much more than that.”

        Andra felt a shiver run down her spine, “I'm starting to see why Josephine insisted I have my own room.”

        He chuckled, “I would never do anything to you that you didn't want.”

        It was like a silent promise. For a moment, Andra was distracted, her mind wandering down rabbit trails of possibilities. She shook the feeling away. The sensation of his lips on hers still lingered, a tingling, electric vibe—but so now did a gnawing cautiousness. They had shared a kiss, but she hoped dearly that this wouldn't be a passing fling.

        For now, she would see where this path led her.

        For now, that carnal lust was enough.

        “S-so,” Andra did her best to brush off the heat that rolled through her, “will you come with me?” She paused a moment but then added, “It's okay if you'd rather not.”

        “After all this time, do you think I would stay behind?” Solas replied, standing up and closing the gap between them.

        “It's hard to tell with you, sometimes,” Andra admitted as she turned around to face her companion. “I know you've opened up to me quite a bit, but I can still tell that you're guarded.”

        Silence.

        And then a sigh.

        “I've been through much in my life. None of that matters now though, and I believe it best to not drag you into it.” He averted his eyes, a solemnness furrowing his brow.

        “What if I wanted to be dragged into it?” Andra pressed herself against him, manipulative but with good intentions.

        He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away, though he didn't let go. “Can we not simply enjoy each other as we are now?”

        Andra held his gaze, trying to see what secrets lied beneath the vast, deep oceans of his blue eyes. For the briefest of moments, she thought she saw sadness flicker through them, a heavy longing—like lightning hitting the water's surface and spreading like tree roots before fizzling out, all in the matter of seconds.

        The mask returned.

        “For now,” she said slowly, knowing that insisting would get her no where.

 

* * *

 

        Before setting off, Andra made a quick stop to meet with the Inquisitor. A stop that proved to be even better as the Inquisition leader was in the meeting room, standing over the 'War Table'—Cullen, Josephine, Varric, Blackwall, Dorian, and Iron Bull present as well.

        It wasn't really a War Table anymore, mainly a glorified map that came with intricate chess-like pieces to scoot around to symbolize troops. The Templar/Mage war was over with, Corypheus was defeated. Right now, everyone was in a lull of peace. A peace which everyone hoped lasted a long time.

        Of course, there were still small skirmishes to deal with, abandoned land to be distributed to lords and common folk, and the ever increasing amount of public events the Inquisitor needed to show themselves to. Everyone wanted to meet the new savior of the world, wanted to gaze at the magnificence of what would become their new Legend—and subsequently be underwhelmed that the embellished stories weren't quite as true as people made them out to be.

        In the beginning, the Inquisitor had obliged fully, attending as many events as they could from the invitations they had received. Though, a little humbled at first, overwhelmed, still reeling in the aftershocks of a terrible, magical battle with Corypheus. Now, the invitations were becoming a bit tiresome. The War was over so naturally people wanted to celebrate, but in the year that had passed, the celebrating had only gotten more and more extravagant. It felt, slightly, as if people were choosing to forget how near death they had been. How near the end the world had almost been. The Inquisitor wasn't going to stop people from their merriment, but it made their burden heavier. The job of cleaning up the mess in the aftermath had fallen, practically, solely on the Inquisition's shoulders.

        It was a tremendous burden to bear, and still they hadn't even picked up half the pieces.

        “Flowers!” Varric exclaimed, “Care to give your two cents on this latest issue?”

        Andra laughed lightly, seeing the tired faces of her fiends about the room, “What is it now?”

        “Lord Bauldouin, of Orlais, is claiming he is owed a chunk of land that sits on the border near his own estate,” Cullen answered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He claims he was good friends with the previous owner, Lord Bennett—who tragically passed sometime during the War—and was promised the land was his should anything happen.”

        “The problem,” Josephine continued, “is there is no documentation of any such promise. In fact, there's no documentation anywhere about the estate that told of any relationship with this Lord from Orlais. Nor does anyone who knew Lord Bennet ever remember him mentioning a friendship with anyone from across the border.”

        “Well then it should be obvious this is a ploy for land then, right?” Andra said, looking to each face in the room.

        The Inquisitor sighed, resting both hands on the War Table and staring hard at its flat world view. “That's the other problem. Lord Bennett was a bit of a hermit. He hardly ever left his estate and he was wary of enemies in every shadow. He barely, if at all, even trusted his own wife—and he definitely didn't trust any of his staff. Even the people he's claimed to be friends with hardly know the man.”

        “Can't you just tell that to this Lord Bauldouin guy? There's no proof so he doesn't get the land?”

        “And if it turns out the promise was real?” Varric added. “We don't want to go around making enemies here.”

        “If Lord Bennett was so paranoid, wouldn't he have kept a record somewhere? Especially of promises he made?”

        “A guy like that usually doesn't leave much behind,” Bull chimed in, rubbing his chin. This wasn't usually his type of work. Planning. He was an action man. Give him instructions and he carried them out. The tool rather than the hand. “In his mind, it would no doubt be foolish to leave anything where his enemies might find them.”

        Andra shook her head, unable to discern how she could possibly help. This wasn't her area of expertise. Whether the choice they would eventually come to was actually the right one or not, Andra knew these sort of matters were in the right hands. Or at least, better hands than hers.

        “Well,” Andra went on, “it looks like you have your work cut out for you.” She fixed the strap of her backpack and adjusted her bow that she had slung over her shoulder, “I came, though, to say goodbye.”

        They all looked at her, confusion mixing into the air.

        “You only just got here,” Dorian said. “Not even a week and you can't stand us any longer?” A joke, but Andra sensed his sadness. The two of them had always gotten along so well.

        “There are some things I need to do.” Andra tried to remain vague, she knew no one would believe her reason for leaving. Though, despite all that had happened, Andra could admit to herself that this did seem a little crazy. She was obeying the whims of Mischief itself. A fool's errand, some might say.

        “Will you be coming back?” Josephine asked.

        “Eventually,” She smiled. “It'll be a while though. As long as it takes me to find some answers.”

        The Inquisitor straightened, a knowing look on their face, “You know, I'm sure something will turn up eventually if you wait here?” A hallow reassurance. Andra was already shaking her head.

        “I can't wait. I have a direction and I need to look into some things. But who knows, if this all turns out to be fruitless, maybe when I get back you'll have something for me?”

        Everyone in the room looked between Andra and the Inquisitor, not knowing what they were speaking about. The Inquisitor forced a smile, then crossed the room to wrap the blonde elf in a tight hug. “One can hope. I'll make sure to be attentive to your request.”

        “Thank you.” It was all Andra could say, hugging back. Somewhere, deep inside her, she knew they would find nothing—but it never hurt to be hopeful.

        “What's the name of your destination, at least?” Bull asked, locking gazes with Andra as she parted from the embrace with the Inquisition leader.

        She laughed nervously, no one in the room would like her answer. “I'm... I'm going to the ruins of Arlathan.”

        Solas chose that moment to walk into the room, the heavy doors opening before him, oblivious to the reasoning behind the startled and confusion twisted faces.

        “Are you putting ideas into her head, Chuckles?” Varric said, a faint sternness in his voice.

        “Ideas?” Solas repeated.

        “She's going to Arlathan,” The Inquisitor answered, “a city that doesn't even exist anymore.” It sounded ridiculous to Andra when put that way.

        Solas clasped his hands behind him as he stood in the doorway, “I said nearly the same thing to her this morning. If I thought she could be swayed, I might have deterred her from this path. But believe me, I did not influence the choices she's making now.” Varric eyed the bald elf with narrowed eyes, trying to see if there were cracks in the truth he was offering. Solas met his gaze before continuing, “She believes this will lead her to a missing piece of her past, who am I to stand in the way?” Although he meant it, a part of Solas also longed to look upon the lost city again. Or at least what was left of it. It had been so long...

        “And you plan to go alone?” Blackwall spoke, joining in the conversation.

        “This is my journey, my burdens are no one else's, nor would I ask anyone else to carry them,” Andra's voice was soft, determined, “but no, Solas is coming with me.”

        “Aha!” Sera said suddenly, appearing behind Solas, a scowl on her face. “I knew you were up to some kind of trickery! Stealing Andra away from us again!”

        Solas glared, his posture stiff, “I didn't ever  _'steal her away from you'_ in the first place.”

        “A lie if I ever heard one!” Sera waltzed into the room, standing in front of Solas with her hands on her hips. “You upset her last time and she ran away to her elfy friends and we didn't see or hear from her for months! That was your fault, admit it!”

        “Sera!” Andra chided, “You promised me!” The two elf women locked eyes at that and while Sera didn't stop glaring suspiciously at Solas, she did shut up.

        “You don't deserve her,” Sera hissed , a whisper that only Solas could hear as she crossed the room and leaned against the far wall, arms crossed.

        “Okay!” Andra exclaimed, the room suddenly uncomfortable. “Well, we're going to be on our way.” She then looks towards the Inquisitor, “Thank you for your hospitality.”

        The Inquisitor laughed and waved their hand, “No need for the formality, you're always welcome here.” Then looking to Solas, “As are you.”

_“Ma sarannas.”_ The older elf said with the nod of his head.

        “Well, we'll walk you both to the gate.” The Inquisitor said, ushering everyone out of the room. Then drapping an arm around Andra's shoulder, walking at her side. “And here I was, hoping that I could get used to having you guys around again.”

        Andra laughed, an almost sad, longing laugh. “One day, I'm sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELVHEN USED:
> 
> Ma sarannas: "My thanks."


End file.
